The Great Exchange
by Teh Pocky Ninja
Summary: Sakura here. After failing to get Sasuke-kun back home, I had Tsunade switch us with a body transfer. Now I gotta get myself and his team home without being assaulted by Karin or killed by Juugo and Suigetsu. Easy as pie. Sakura POV, Hebi crack, uh-oh...
1. Be Jealous, Orochimaru

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter One: Be Jealous, Orochimaru**

* * *

"What's wrong, Naruto?"

My best friend looked at me with obvious unhappiness in his big, blue eyes.

"I promised _I'd_ do this for you," he said dejectedly. "And…I kinda wanted to keep my promise…"

I smiled to cheer him up, punching him gently in the arm. "Don't worry, all that matters is, there's no way I'll be back without him this time."

He smiled back then. "I guess so…"

The two of us dawdled outside our meeting point like Academy children for another few minutes. Anybody walking by would've probably wondered what two shinobi were doing, hanging around Konoha's maximum-security prison. Everyone in there was probably on death row, not exactly a comforting thought. Hence, Naruto and my mindless babble in an attempt to distract ourselves.

"It's not fair, Sakura-chan," Naruto complained, giving me a pouty look. "Why couldn't _I_ have been picked for this one, dattebayo? I know him just as well as you do…"

"Because," I said, flicking him in the center of his headband, "You're great at a lot of things, Naruto, but acting isn't one of them. At the first sign of trouble, you'd call up some clones and try to Rasengan something."

He muttered in defeat. "I guess…But still…"

"Don't _worry_," I told him. "We've been on worse missions than _walking_ back home from who-knows-where with a few freaks in tow."

He couldn't argue with that.

Soon enough, the group we'd been waiting for appeared. Tsunade-shishou, Kakashi-sensei, Neji, Yamato-taichou, and several other Jounin materialized in poofs of smoke in quick succession until all were present.

"It's about time, dattebayo!" Naruto complained. "We've been waiting around for hours!"

I sent him a comfort smile as he was promptly ignored. One Jounin unlocked the chain padlock wrapped over the prison's entrance, and for the first time, Naruto and I followed the group into a maximum-security prison ward. The creepy feeling wasn't helped by the fact that the doors were locked again behind us to make sure no inmates escaped.

Once inside the doors, a single shinobi led the rest of us down several hallways, each of which had doors that had to be unlocked and locked again after we'd passed through. After the disturbing feeling had worn off, I was glad there were so many precautions against any escape whatsoever.

After what seemed like and endless amount of hallways, all of us reached a single door guarded with chains, electrified bars, and chakra-sucking jutsu placed over it. None of the barriers had been activated yet, so all that was needed were a few keys to remove the thick locks, and the door swung open to allow us to file silently file in.

The small room inside was starched-white, and bare but for a large table that resembled an operating counter back at the hospital. I felt Naruto tense beside me at the sight of the unused restraints for any person unlucky enough to be assigned to this room.

"Before we begin," Tsunade-shishou said, "We'll go over this one last time. Sakura, your mission?"

"Through the use of a transfer technique, to bring Uchiha Sasuke back to the village while my own body is under confinement," I repeated from memorization.

"Good. Kakashi, your duty?"

"…To assist in detaining the prisoner once the transfer is completed," my old sensei said through his mask.

"Yamato?"

"To restrain the prisoner if necessary."

"Neji?"

"To assist in preventing the prisoner from gaining the ability to use chakra to attempt escape."

"Naruto?"

He was silent for a moment, before muttering, "…To assist in…the detainment and capture of…the prisoner in case they…escape."

After him, the other Jounin, some of them Ino's relatives, stated their position in the performance of the transfer jutsu.

"Good," said Tsunade curtly, once everyone had listed their role. "This is a high-risk situation, and I'm going to need all of you to follow your roles perfectly. Sakura," she ordered, turning to me, "time to begin."

I nodded, and approached the table in the center of the room before climbing onto it and lying face-up. I shivered as the restraints were strapped around almost every part of my body, but I knew this was going to be necessary. By the time I was done, I could move no more than my eyes and my lips.

"All right. Naruto, Kakashi, and Yamato, all of you can leave now."

The three of them obeyed, with Naruto waving a sad goodbye-for-now at me before the door closed behind him.

"Neji."

At the sound of his name, the Hyuga approached me, holding two fingers aloft as they glowed with chakra.

"This will sting," he warned, and began tapping me all over. I winced in the sharp jolts of pain as my chakra network was obstructed one point at a time. The moment he finished, I was already aching, feeling some of my pressure points throb sorely from being shut off.

"Thank you, Neji. Wait outside with the others," ordered Tsunade-shishou, and he obeyed. Now I was alone with the Jounin standing in a circle around me and my shishou at the head of them.

"Are you prepared, Sakura?" she asked one last time.

"Uh-huh," I said softly, unable to even nod my head because of the restraints.

My teacher approached me, her hand glowing with green energy as she held it up to my forehead, giving me a last look that held almost motherly worry.

"See you when you get back," she said to me, and pressed her palm to my forehead. I felt my head slump forward as a wave of sleepiness washed over me, and suddenly my eyes were closing as everything went black…

* * *

I felt sunlight on my closed eyelids. It yanked me uncomfortably out of my dozing state, and I grimaced, still half-asleep. The action made my face tingle oddly, which confused me into waking up a bit more…

I opened my eyes, and saw nothing but white. Confusion took over for a moment, before I realized I'd probably rolled over while sleeping to come face-to-face with the wall beside my bed…

I uncurled from my fetal position, sitting up as I yawned and stretched, feeling my spine crack after a night of sleeping curled up.

And I froze. This wasn't my room. It appeared to be a cheap hotel suite, with a white-painted ceiling and walls. There was a single window in the wall beside me, allowing sunlight to stream down through the thick glass and onto my stinging eyelids.

Wincing, I closed my eyes and pressed a hand to my forehead, as I felt unusually sluggish. Feeling something poking between my palm and my face, I drew my hand back.

And had to fight to keep from screaming. _This was not my hand_.

And in that millisecond, I remembered everything. Naruto and Tsunade-shishou and the prison and the transfer and…It all meant only one thing could have happened here. Steeling myself, I looked down.

I saw a flat chest, strong arms hanging at my sides, and absolutely no curves at all under my now-baggy clothing. This unfamiliar room happened to have a mirror available, so I forced myself up and out of the bed. I had to see if I was what I thought I was.

What I didn't account for was the dizziness that assaulted me, almost making me fall over as I tried to stand. After a few tries, I managed to stumble in a drunken-like state over to the mirror, my feet seeming intent on tripping over themselves.

Preparing myself for what I hoped I would see, I only opened my eyes once I stood before the reflective glass without swaying from lack of balance.

Standing before me, with a very out-of-character expression of shock, was my old teammate and crush, Uchiha Sasuke. The transfer had worked after all.

Curiosity overpowering my disbelief, I examined the boy in the mirror. Not much had changed since I had seen him last. In fact, the only noticeable difference was his now short-sleeved white shirt with a zippered front. Everything else was as I remembered, from his arm guards to his purple Sound sash.

And he was still smokin' hot. My Inner was already in fits of ecstasy over that.

My reflection mimicked my movements as I raised a hand and brushed my fingertips against Sasuke-kun's cheek. I shivered, as his skin was unexpectedly soft. I mean, the only time I'd really touched him was back in the Forest of Death during the Exams, but oh my god…

Darnit, the mirror told me I was making him blush. But it was so _cute_! And completely out of character…which made it even cuter, of course. I tried a Sasuke-ish frown, and it worked like a charm. As long as I remembered to keep looking unhappy, nobody would bat an eye!

I froze then, hearing the sound of footsteps outside the room's door. Knowing I'd look ridiculous if someone entered to see Uchiha Sasuke checking himself out in the mirror, I stumbled back over to the room's bed and quickly lay back down, managing to keep still as the door opened.

Using a trick I'd learned from Kakashi-sensei, I remained as motionless as possible, imagining my heartbeat slowing. Mind over matter. And sure enough, when I breathed it was long and deep, as if I really _was_ asleep.

The footsteps came closer, but slowly. Whoever they belonged to was being cautious, or maybe timid. It was probably one of Sasuke-kun's team from the remains of the Sound village, but there was also a chance it was an assassin. A clumsy one, if this were true, as whomever it was happened to be standing over me, making miniscule fidgety noises that would give away their presence to any decent ninja.

I cracked open one eye no more than a slit.

Above me was a face. A female face, with beady eyes hidden behind thick, rectangular glasses. Her bright red hair was unusual, spiked up on one side and completely flat on the other. At the sight of her hungry expression, I almost shuddered before remembering to keep still. Her red eyes were roving over me, and I felt a pang of pity for Sasuke-kun, as she shared the same eager eyes as his fangirls back home.

Not realizing I was conscious, her hand hovered over me before alighting gently on my chest. Though I kept telling myself whose body I was in, it felt _disgusting_ to have her stroking me with that greedy face. I wondered if Sasuke-kun allowed such behaviors as this within his team, and quickly decided _not_.

"Now, my dear Sasuke-kun," the girl whispered, her eyes glinting, "You're all mine."

I felt her fingers halt their journey, and to my horror, she grabbed the front of Sasuke's white shirt and opened it, a euphoric grin plastered onto her face.

She was going to _molest_ me.

Before I even knew what I was doing, my hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, twisting it violently as I pushed her off of me, managing to hurl her to the floor as I held a knife to her throat. The whole operation had taken less than a second. Kakashi-sensei would've been proud.

"S-Sasuke-kun!" she squeaked as I glared at her with as much fury as I could muster. "I…I didn't…I was just checking you for injuries! I'm…I-!"

She was a terrible liar, I thought as her eyes remained glued to my now-bare chest. My insides squirming with repulsion, I withdrew my kunai-clenching hand, keeping my Sasuke-ish glare at maximum power as she picked herself up and scurried out of the room.

I only exhaled as soon as I could no longer hear her footsteps. Shivering in the breeze from the door slamming shut behind her, I quickly zipped back up the front of my shirt, feeling absolutely _violated_. I had no idea what Sasuke-kun's relations with this girl were, but I had a good hunch they didn't involve assaulting him in his sleep.

_Calm down, Sakura, calm down…_

No matter what my mind told this body, it didn't seem to want to obey. I remained edgy, my line of vision darting here and there to check for any more potential threats. A habit Sasuke-kun developed that had probably kept him alive several times, but right now it was just irritating.

I sighed, accidentally unnerving myself even more by running my fingers through Sasuke-kun's hair and feeling choppy spikes instead of my own smooth, silky locks. That girl was _way_ too touchy-feely. I'd have to watch out for her later.

Well…what should I do now? What would Sasuke-kun do, after having woken up to a crazed fangirl trying to do what she did? Probably comfort himself with killing thoughts, and-

My stomach growled loudly.

_…And then maybe go get some grub before he keeled over…_

Sasuke Impersonation Mission One: Food Retrieval, Commence.

* * *

Huhuhu. As with U&U and YSA, I once more prove I can have 2 fics going at once. Mwarharhar.

After reading a whole bunch of badly-written switchfics, I decided we needed one with no readers cringing because of bad spelling and poor grammar.

Oh, Sakura. The fun you shall have in this little story :D

**WARNING!** This fanfic one is only something I'll be working on if i have no inspiration for my current fanfic (Sea Story). Don't expect weekly updates, as I am a lazy bum and creativity only comes in short bursts.

Prod for updates at your own leisure.


	2. Of Friends and Fangirls

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter Two: Of Friends and Fangirls**

* * *

Ready to leave, I found Sasuke-kun's shoes sitting neatly by the door beside a plain black cloak, but his large hands were murder to use to get them on. Everything seemed off-balance, especially when I tried to stand again and nearly fell over. Curse men and their higher centers of gravity.

I mentally ran through my list of foods I'd seen him eat, as I'd need the information to stay in character. The record was short…a few kinds of rice, a plain bowl of Ichiraku ramen (that I remembered Naruto had stolen half of), some tomatoes, and only once had I seen him down a few pieces of tempura shrimp.

Oh, well. My own diet wasn't unhealthy, so as long as I kept away from sweet stuff, nobody would notice their little avenger munching eggs and salads instead of whatever it was he ate nowadays.

Outside the room was, as I suspected, a long hallway, lined with doors with metal numbers bolted to them. A hotel after all. The number on my own door read "247." I'd have to remember that later.

Making sure Sasuke-kun's Kusanagi, which I'd found hidden under the room's bed, was tucked safely into my sash underneath the cloak, I managed to get over the disorientation of being a few feet taller by the time I found the stairs leading to the ground floor, after carefully setting the padlock on my room's door in case of my redheaded stalker's return.

"Here we go."

I flinched, hearing Sasuke-kun's deep voice instead of my own squeak coming out of me.

"Whoa…that's weird."

I'd have stood around to listen to myself a bit more, but my stomach gurgling its emptiness quickly reminded me of my current obligation.

Downstairs, the hotel lobby was deserted but for a young woman behind the front desk. As Sasuke-kun would've done, I ignored her as I made my way to the exit. I held back a shudder as I felt her eyes boring into my back, probably with a dreamy expression to boot, until I stepped out into the street.

It seemed Sasuke-kun and his team had holed up in a traveler's town, probably for an overnight stay on their way to wherever it was they'd been heading. People were coming and going everywhere in large crowds, which was good, considering I'd have to blend in as just another tourist in case there really _were_ any assassins looking for an Uchiha Sasuke.

My stomach growled its emptiness again, so off I went in search of food. Luckily, the cloak I was wearing had a small, drawstring bag in a hidden pocket. That'd be just like Sasuke-kun, stowing important things like cash in good hiding places.

Of course, I flipped out when I opened it to find several _hundred-thousand_ yen notes folded up inside. What the eff?! Where on earth did Sasuke-kun get so much money? I sincerely hoped he hadn't stolen it from someone…unless of course he'd ransacked the Sound village before hightailing it out of there…That'd be ok, I guess…

Realizing I probably looked like I'd stolen the bag by staring at it, I dropped it back in my cloak pocket and went back to my search for edible objects. Luckily, after wandering through what appeared to be the shopping district, Sasuke-kun's very pretty nose led me to trail smell of fried foods into the restaurant-related side of town.

With my awesome food-finding skills, I easily located one stall among thousands that didn't have a massive line in front of it. When Sakura is hungry, Sakura wants food as soon as possible or Sakura starts killing things.

Unfortunately, the lady working the booth gave me the most gigantic smile as I wandered over, her face looking like it would split in half from how big her grin was. I knew that look. I'd seen Sasuke-kun get it daily from every girl in the village way back when.

"Can I help you, Sweetie?" she asked, her voice syrupy-sweet. I shuddered, and quickly glanced at the price list sitting on the counter.

"…Two takoyaki please," I told her, fishing around my pocket for Sasuke-kun's little cash purse. I would have ordered more than just that, but her creepy smiles made me want to get out of there as soon as possible. Poor Sasuke-kun, having every human with male preferences giving him those looks…This woman was old enough to be my mom, for Pete's sake…

"Here you are, honey," she cooed to me as I produced my payment. "And just for you, sweetheart, a ten percent discount!"

Ok, so maybe being a hot young boy _did_ have some benefits. Even so, I only felt safe again as soon as I was out of that woman's sight, holding two generously-large blobs of batter filled with octopus bits on a stick. Maybe I wouldn't have to go find some other food after all, as my newly-created fangirl had crammed as much material as possible into the steaming spheres.

I soon found myself in full plotting mode as I wandered, taking occasional bites of my newly-acquired provisions. Somehow after I'd found the rest of Sasuke-kun's Sound team, I was going to have to convince them that instead of wherever they'd been heading, we suddenly had to turn around and journey seemingly at random back to Konoha. If I was lucky, they'd believe me and we'd head off without a hitch. If I wasn't, I'd have to have a backstory to fall on.

_Um…I'm suddenly returning to the place I defected from? Nah, that sounds idiotic. Any fool could see through that in a second. They'd…offered me a chance to return, since I'd gotten rid of two huge threats to the village? Hmm, getting warmer…_

"Ohmagawd, Koko! Look over there!"

"Where?"

"There! Hot dude!"

It didn't take a massive intellect to figure out who the two female voices behind me were referring to. Pretending not to hear them, I kept walking in hopes of losing them. Unfortunately, it seemed they wanted to follow me.

"Go ask him."

"No, _you_ ask him."

"You saw him first, _you_ ask him!"

I rolled my eyes in disgust. I mean, I'd used to act like that, but at least I'd grown up past that stage after figuring out how _annoying_ it was. These people were all imbeciles.

"Wow, he's _really_ cute."

"Go _ask_ him, Koko."

"I'm scared to!"

_Then why the crap are you following me, you idiots?!_

I didn't want to lead them back to the hotel, just in case the rest of Sasuke-kun's team and I had to stay there another night. The _last_ thing I needed were more girls besides that redheaded weirdo crowding outside my door in the dead of night. At least I'd found the door had a lock before I left…

"H-hey, um…" I heard one of the girls squeak as a hand grabbed the back of my cloak. I turned around with my best annoyed face to be greeted with a tiny, tiny girl with braided pigtails gazing up at me with hearts in her eyes. Ew…she couldn't be more than twelve or thirteen. What was she fangirling me for?!

"What do you want?" I asked in an irritated voice, pulling my cloak out of her grip. She drooled for a few more seconds, before shaking herself back into awareness.

"I, um…I mean…I…do you…um…uh…"

"I don't have time for this," I muttered, turning and striding away in a very in-character fashion. I felt bad for the girl, but if I was going to play the part of the angsty avenger, I was going to do it right if it killed me. Yay for mad acting skills right there.

Sadly, that very scene replayed itself several more times with several different girls, until I took refuge in the bathroom of a small convenience store after remembering just _which_ bathroom I had to use now. I sighed, leaning against the dividing wall between my stall and the next, as the toilet seat looked…uncomfortable to sit on.

When I got back home, I'd _so_ kill anyone who bothered Sasuke-kun. I knew how much he hated girls following him, but this was ridiculous! Curse Sasuke-kun's ancestors for giving him the prettiness gene.

I flinched as I heard the bathroom door burst open and slam shut in quick succession, followed by the sound of labored breathing as something thumped to the floor while something else clanged with a metallic-sounding noise.

Too curious for my own good, I pushed open the stall door and peered out.

Slumped against the bathroom's door was a young man, panting as if he'd just ran a marathon. His silvery-colored hair was practically dripping with sweat, as were his purple clothes. My eyes flicked to the huge weapon lying beside him, and I froze. The last time I'd seen _that_ chunk of metal, it'd been stuck in the ground as a grave marker in the Land of Waves.

The sword of Momochi Zabuza.

"Dude!"

I flinched in surprise as the guy got to his feet, grinning at me with weirdly razor-sharp teeth. "Sasuke, my man! Where've ya been? Karin's whining about you running off somewhere. What'd she do, try to tie you up again?"

I blinked, piecing his words together. Ok…so apparently he knew Sasuke-kun. And well enough to talk casually to him. This was probably another member of his Sound team. And oh joy, I'd finally learned the name of my stalker.

"Don't tell her you saw me," I ordered him in a very Sasuke-ish fashion, not wanting another confrontation with that scary girl.

Sasuke-kun's teammate threw his head back and laughed before reaching down to grab Zabuza's sword and hoist it up. "Don't worry, dude. I got ya covered."

Hoping he'd stay true to his word, I stepped completely out of the stall as the guy strapped the oversized blade to his back. So I'd discovered two of the Sound team, but that left one unaccounted for…

"…And if that stupid little witch hadn't turned on me, I'd have gotten away clean!" the guy was complaining as I followed him out of the men's bathroom and back out into the street. "Then again, her mom probably peed on her after giving birth to her, that's why she acts like that."

I wanted to agree with a few insults of my own, but that's not what Sasuke-kun would've done. So I stayed quiet.

"Hey…you gonna eat that?" he asked, eyeballing my untouched takoyaki, as I'd devoured the first one.

"Knock yourself out," I muttered, handing it to him. I'd have to get his name soon, otherwise I'd look suspicious only knowing what to call Karin and not the rest of Sasuke-kun's team.

"Mmm," my unnamed teammate hummed happily, wiping bits of batter from his sharp-toothed mouth as he chucked the remaining stick over his shoulder. "That hit the spot. Hey, wanna go look for Juugo? He's probably off killing some random people."

Ok, so I had the third member's name, but not this guy's!

"He'd better not be," I muttered with my patented Angry Sasuke-kun face.

"Um…no offence man, but can we go now? Those chicks over there are staring…"

I nodded, sending the offenders a glare as I set off after my no-name colleague. Fortunately my lack of knowledge wasn't a problem, as he babbled on about whatever thought popped into his head in a rather Naruto-like fashion.

"…And you promised," he said with a sharp-toothed grin, "You promised you'd pay for my onsen ticket after losing _that_ bet."

It was a good thing he'd promptly turned around again, or he'd have witnessed a very un-Sasuke-like jaw-dropping expression.

Onsen equals hot springs. Hot springs equals bath. Bath equals…

Had he turned around at that point also, my scarlet face would have been a dead giveaway. I only just managed to erase the redness as I followed him through yet another street, pretty sure by now he had no idea where he was going.

"It's late," I said to him, interrupting another great rant on the ugliness of my fangirl. "We should return to the inn. The others will find their way back."

Or at least, I sincerely hoped so as my loudmouthed buddy scratched his head of silvery hair.

"Yeaaahh…" he agreed slowly, "I guess the little pig's chewtoy can find her way back if she tries hard enough. Juugo's probably there already. Washing off the blood of his victims, most likely."

By some miracle, we managed to find our way back to the cheap-o hotel I'd unwittingly wandered half a mile or more from. The same woman at the front desk gave me a sickening smile I'd seen all of too many times today, but in a moment I was climbing the stairs to the floor above, and well away from her gaze.

"Go see if Juugo's back yet," I ordered my teammate, phrasing the sentence carefully to disguise the fact that I had no idea what our third member looked like, or what room he was in. Luckily, he obeyed without question and left me standing before room 247 with no memory of the combination for the dial padlock.

Oh, well. I hadn't passed the Chunin Exams for nothing. After twelve seconds of calling up my knowledge of lockpicking, the door swung open in defeat. I smirked as Sasuke-kun would've done, and made sure I closed the door behind me in case that Karin decided to reappear.

Not even bothering to take my shoes or cloak off, I collapsed onto the room's single bed, attempting to exhale the tenseness I'd built up all day while pretending to be Sasuke-kun. I even had to pull a few faces to get my cheek muscles working again after a whole day of frowning and scowling. Being able to smile again was a feeling I didn't know how much I'd missed until now.

"I am Sakura," I said to myself, though it sounded silly in Sasuke-kun's voice. "I am Sakura. Not Sasuke."

I giggled, the action feeling great right now. "Never mind, I _am_ Sasuke. And I think Sakura's the prettiest girl in the whole wide world."

I imagined Naruto here with me, busting a gut as I said that last sentence in a high-pitched, babyish voice. "The pwettiest girl in the _whoooole wiiiiide world_."

I might have seemed absolutely stupid in those few minutes I spent alone, but the laughter and loss of tension it caused were completely worth it. After working everything out of my system, I remembered what I'd told my unnamed teammate and stood up, making sure my door clicked shut behind me.

"Yo, Sasuke!"

I turned at the sound of my fellow Karin-hater's voice, and was relieved to see him waving at me from down the hall, accompanied by a massive guy with flaming orange hair. He must've been seven feet tall, at least! So _this_ was Juugo.

"Karin?" I asked as they caught up to me, and my buddy shook his head.

"No sign of the warthog," he stated with obvious glee. "Now remember, you _promised_."

Oh, right. The onsen springs. I vaguely remembered seeing the sign for the attraction down in the lobby. Well, the two of them could have as much fun as they wanted. You wouldn't catch me dead in a pool with a bunch of _guys_.

"…All right," I muttered, turning and heading for the stairs. "Just this once."

"Woohoo!" my unnamed teammate exclaimed, reminding me again of Naruto as he pumped a fist in the air. "You know there's separate _and_ mixed here? How awesome is that?! Man, I hope there's some babes in there, mm-hm!"

"I'll pass," I murmured, descending the short flight of stairs. The _last_ thing I needed was to be surrounded by more fangirls while I was…e-hem…_revealed_.

"You're such a stick," my teammate snorted as we stepped out on the bottom floor.

"Sasuke-san is afraid of being touched by the drooling girls."

I stopped, turning and looking at the orange-haired man. It was the first time I'd heard him speak, and it was barely more than a soft little whisper of an intelligent comment. The exact opposite of my loudmouthed companion.

"Mmm…ok, fine, that's a good excuse," he reluctantly agreed as I purchased admittance for my two subordinates. The woman at the lobby desk blushed and stuttered as she tried to look me in the eye, obviously trying to get something out.

"S-sir, um…well…today is th-…three for th-the p-price of t-two…"

"Geez," my unnamed teammate muttered, elbowing Juugo while giving me an envious look. "His Majesty's getting in free!"

_WHAT?!_ I silently shrieked, but the next thing I knew, I'd been steered past the front desk and down a single hallway to a set of three doors that read respectively, "_Women_," "_Mixed_," and "_Men_," each with a different painted design of the hot springs inside.

"Dunno bout you, man," my unnamed teammate teased, releasing the arm he'd dragged me by, "But I'm headin' for the ladies!"

"Perhaps…Sasuke-san should take the time to relax…" Juugo turned and said to me as our other group member disappeared through the "_Mixed_" door. "Sasuke-san is…always so somber."

_Aww._ That was sweet. Sasuke-kun had somebody on his team that cared after all. Right now, I'd have given just about anything to be able to give him a smile and a hug for being so considerate, but I couldn't.

"…Go on," was all I could say, nodding to the direction our other companion had taken. "I'll…take care of myself."

He nodded his head of bright orange hair, and left through the same door as the other guy. Leaving me, feeling rude and very conflicted, before the three doorways.

"You shut up," I told my smirking Inner, before hesitating…and finally, pushing open the door marked "_Men_."

The room inside was completely empty.

* * *

HA. YOU THOUGHT WRONG!

pwned.

Moar silliness, no Karin this time :D


	3. Oh, Fudge

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter Three: Oh, Fudge**

* * *

"Whoa…" I murmured, blinking in surprise at the lack of people. "That's…lucky…"

The men's changing rooms were indeed completely deserted. My Inner sulked as I did a gleeful dance in my head. Now I could go and relax in a nice warm bath without being jostled by a bunch of _guys_. Dance of happiness no jutsu!

But I, always being the over-analytical one, stopped dead cold as I remembered just _whose_ body I currently inhabited, and _which_ gender's attributes I had to deal with.

_Gulp. My face is getting warm…_

I had to do this, I told myself. If I was going to be stuck as Sasuke-kun for the journey back home, I couldn't look like I didn't know my own self. This would just be…an exercise in acquainting myself with my new persona. Yeah, that was it.

_That's such a lie. You just want to see him naked,_ my Inner snorted.

"Shut up," I muttered under my breath. Luckily, the baskets used for storing clothes were all empty, meaning the springs weren't in use. It was a good thing the other two, Juugo and what's-his-name, hadn't followed me in here or I'd be having a heart attack right about now.

_Why am I doing this again? Oh, yeah…It's a "training exercise."_

I grabbed a white, fluffy towel from the pile on a nearby table, wandering even further into this unknown territory that I suddenly had an all-access pass to explore.

_Whee!_ Inner Sakura squealed, _This'll be great!_

"Be quiet," I muttered, feeling my face flush with heat as I took a glance downwards. Down the very _open_ neck of Sasuke-kun's shirt, I could see that broad, muscular chest I remembered from the time Naruto and Sai and I tried to rescue him from the Sound…Oh man, I'd been drooling over that for weeks, how perfectly sculpted his abs had been…

_I can't actually fangirl "myself"…can I?!_

It was a good thing nobody else was around or else I wouldn't be fussing like this, as it was a flaw in my perfect acting. Come on, Sakura! You're a ninja, for Pete's sake! Stop acting so immature!

_Oh my god oh my god oh my god_, my Inner continued to squeal regardless.

What I wouldn't give to be viewing this from third-person perspective. With shaking hands, I fumbled with the knot of my purple sash until I managed to loosen it, promptly causing Sasuke-kun's wraparound to fall in a heap at my feet.

_Oh my flipping god!_

Wishing against my consciousness that I had a mirror, I checked around me again for any unwanted presences before carefully sliding off Sasuke-kun's white shirt. Leaving nothing but pants between my eyes and a firsthand view of the bodily privacy of Uchiha Sasuke.

Fortunately I managed to distract myself for a minute or so while my Inner squee'd over the beautifully chiseled features of Sasuke-kun's torso as my face flushed all the redder. If he'd ever quit being a shinobi, he'd make millions if he chose to be a model. Companies would roll out the big bucks for a figure like this, with his slim-yet-sexy build and rippling muscles…

That train of thought only lasted so long. The moment it finished, I was again stuck in my predicament. I knew the risks I'd have to take when I'd agreed to this whole mission, but _this_?

_No, I can't do this! Not to Sasuke-kun! Wait…_

Inspiration struck me, and I allowed a smile because nobody was around to see it.

Reaching down, I picked up my white springs towel. It was only just wide enough for my amazing plan, but it was adequate. In one swift movement, I tied it over my stomach and hips before clenching my eyes shut and reaching just below the hem of the fuzzy cloth to tug at first my pants, and then a pair of silky-soft boxer shorts until I was sure both lay wrapped around my ankles.

Only then did I dare to crack open an eye and exhale in massive relief, having preserved Sasuke-kun's decency and my own sanity all in one go. I stepped out of my pile of clothes and carefully placed them in a vacant basket, splashing a handful of lukewarm water from a tap over myself for the standard hygiene rinse.

The moment I found it in me to push back the sliding screen door leading to the pools, my face flushed red from the muggy steam inside. The indoor springs room was pretty big, enough for maybe half the hotel's occupancy to fit inside. The soft churning of water made me smile despite myself as I approached the edge of the biggest pool. After managing to once again keep my eyes clenched shut as I pulled off my towel, I hesitated for no more than a second before lowering myself into the sweat-inducing water.

_Ahhh…this feels so good…_

Allowing a relieved smile, I sank deeper into the hot water until all below my eyes were submerged in liquid bliss. An onsen bath was just what I'd needed after all the play-acting I'd been doing that day…Juugo was right, I could practically feel my stress being washed away as my tense muscles loosened up…

No less than ten minutes (or maybe an hour? I kinda lost track) later, I heard a door slide open as several male voices echoed off the wooden slatted walls of the steamy room. It seemed I no longer had the springs to myself.

_Oh…crap!_

Through the steam, I saw several blurry figures approach the edge of the springs. That was _all_ I saw though, as the moment I heard splashes I'd retreated to the far edge of the pool. Fortunately, none of the group took any notice of me, their words halting as each entered the baths. Never before had I loved fog like I loved this fog. It kept them from seeing me, and me from seeing them.

_Must remember to go burn some incense at a temple someplace. Wouldn't want to be ungrateful._

The men started up their conversation again, completely ignoring me as they babbled on about tax brackets. I worried for a moment about what might happen if one of them swam over and noticed my giveaway blush. But then, to my relief, I figured out they'd just think it was a reaction to the steamy atmosphere. Even if I hadn't been embarrassed beyond all belief, I'd still be rosy-faced from the springs' temperature.

_Leave me alone, don't notice me, I am invisible …Oh, come on, Sakura! Chin up. You're doing fine right now, nobody's even looking at you! And even if they were, what's there to look at? Your back? That's all that's even facing them!_

Geez. I felt all jittery again. Why couldn't they just leave and let me relax? I was doing just fine before…

I decided there was no point in staying any longer, if I wasn't going to be able to unwind. It was probably nearing sunset outside, so I might as well head back up to my room and plan tomorrow's departure. Maybe see if I could get Juugo to give me my other teammate's name, because I'd jump in a flaming lake before I asked that Karin girl anything.

And just as I turned to climb up out of the pool, I heard the quiet churn of water coming closer from behind and shortly after, a hand tapped me rather timidly on the back of my arm. Out of instinct I found myself ducking back in the water up to my shoulders, and looking rather silly with my arms crossed over my chest in a feminine manner.

"Huh?" I blurted, finding before me some random guy who'd defected from his group of friends and swum over to annoy me before I escaped into the changing rooms. Now I _knew_ somebody up there didn't like me.

I snapped out of my irritated state of mind as I recognized the look on his face. I'd seen it before, but the only face it matched in my memory was Karin's from that one time she'd tried to assault me after I'd woken up…

In a moment of horrifying enlightenment, I realized this was a fan_boy_ I was dealing with. The gods must really hate me today.

"Sooo…" he said with the world's creepiest grin as he waded closer to me. "I haven't seen you around here before. What's your name?"

Every other guy there had gone silent, and all watched with interest. How I hated them all right now, leaving me to deal with this guy by myself.

"N-none of your business," I muttered, giving him my best Sasuke glare as I shrank away from him. Unfortunately, the steam of the water and the fact that everyone here was naked didn't help in my trying to get rid of my flushed face. He obviously took my irritation as shyness, and pressed onward.

"I'd like to get to know you," he continued, ignoring my scowl and wading even closer to me. "Please, tell me your name."

"Look, I'm not into men, ok?" I snapped. I didn't want to have to be mean to this creepy guy, but there was _no_ way I was going to let Sasuke-kun's orientation be questioned. As far as I was concerned I was playing the role of an annoyed and very, _very_ straight teenage boy, and reacting appropriately to the situation at hand.

"Oh, don't worry," the guy said, giving me this creepy smile that looked kind of like one of Sai's. "That's what they all say at first…But there's more to life than just women, my friend."

_Back the crap off!_ I silently screamed. _Even to an actual girl, your pickup lines suck!_

"…Women can't give you everything," he went on. "They might think they know all your good spots, but there are secrets only a different kind of love can reveal…"

At that, I promptly splashed steaming water at him and hurried out of the pool, death-glaring at the way he ogled Sasuke-kun's well-sculpted bottom before I was back in the changing rooms with my towel once more wrapped firmly around my waist. I leaned against the sliding screen door leading back to the pools and panted, shivering and slightly nauseated at what I'd just experienced. There'd been some creepers back at the village who'd tried to sway over Haruno Sakura before, but _this_…

"That was too much, Kubo," I heard a voice laugh on the other side of the door. "You scared him off."

"I know…" whined the dejected voice of my fanboy. "I should have flirted more first…but he was so lovely, I couldn't help myself!"

Another round of chuckles sounded from every other man in the pool. I felt sorry for my admirer, but as long as I was in this body, no weirdo guys were going to sweet-talk _me_. Sasuke-kun would never let me hear the end of it.

Exhaling a deep breath, I went to go find my clothes. Maybe Juugo would help me feel better. He seemed like a nice guy. At least, if everything else fell apart, I'd have someone in my team who wasn't a raving lunatic.

Or Karin. Shudder.

* * *

"Teme, I swear, if you're trying to starve Sakura-chan to death, I'll freaking _kill_ you once you get back to yourself, understand, dattebayo?"

Unfortunately, Naruto's threatening tone seemed to have no effect on the pair of furious green eyes glaring at him in response. The boy had been in nothing but a bad mood since waking up in his female teammate's body, and Naruto was getting the worst of it, what with being appointed supervisor and all. After his screaming fit, the Uchiha had settled into an ongoing sulk, and refused to eat even after Naruto had gone and brought dinner.

"Geez!" he muttered in exasperation, the fingers of one hand gripping a warm bowl of soup while his other held a spoon full of the steaming broth to his friend's tightly-sealed lips. "C'mon, Sasuke-teme. I'm tired, I wanna go home already."

"Shut…up…dobe…" the Uchiha muttered in Sakura's voice, continuing the deathly glare in his now-green eyes while trying to keep his mouth shut. "Just…go…aw-Mpphth!"

Naruto had, of course, taken the millisecond-long opportunity to shove the spoonful of soup into his teammate's pink-lipped mouth. The boy-in-a-girl's-body choked, unwillingly swallowing most of the liquid before resuming his furious glare.

"Dobe! I told you to cut that out!" he seethed, struggling against the restraints that held Sakura's form immobile.

"Whatever, teme," the blonde answered smugly, filling the spoon with more soup. "But as long as I'm taking care of Sakura-chan's body, I won't let you or anyone else have her wasting away. Now shut up and eat."

"Make me," provoked the Uchiha, inwardly wishing for his Sharingan right about now. Curse that Hyuga for shutting off Sakura's chakra, even her strength would've come in handy for smacking Naruto across the floor…

"Ok…Guess we gotta do this the hard way…" Naruto's eyes glinted evilly as he set the soup down to free his hands. "Kage-bunshin no jutsu!"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed as another Naruto appeared in a cloud of smoke. What on earth was the dobe thinking?

"Teme," the second Naruto chuckled as the first picked up the soup again, "Are you ticklish?"

"No!" he spat, wanting nothing more than to wipe the grin off both Narutos' faces.

"Well guess what?" the clone continued, stepping around to the side of the restraining table. "Sakura-chan is."

Green eyes went wide. "You _wouldn't_."

"Your choice, teme," the original Naruto stated smugly. "You'll have your soup nice and easy, or we can force-feed you through tickle torture. Pick one."

After a moment of internal debate, Sasuke glared and muttered, "Fine," in defeat. Clone Naruto promptly did a victory dance before vanishing as the real one resumed his position with the spoon in one hand and bowl in the other.

_Whee!_ his teenage-boy mind squealed as "Sakura" reluctantly took the spoonful of soup into "her" mouth. _This is great! I'm feeding Sakura-chan! If only teme wasn't giving me those bloodthirsty looks, it'd be perfect!_

In Naruto's addled little mind, he replaced the irate glower in his teammate's eyes with soft, sparkling green. It instantly made him feel better as he returned the empty spoon to the bowl for another filling.

"I hate your guts, dobe."

"That's nice, teme. Now eat your effing soup."

* * *

Actually went and did research on onsen baths for this one. Appreciate it!


	4. Nice Skirt, Uchiha

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter Four: Nice Skirt, Uchiha**

* * *

_"Sasuke-kun, wake up! We're leaving today!"_

_I groaned in my sleep, annoyed that I'd been woken up by the sound of that stalker's whiney voice and not something nice. Even my own alarm clock would have been preferable…_

_I pushed myself upright, yawning long and deep before rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. The sun filtered in once more from the hotel room's single window, making me mutter curses under my breath as the light hit me right in the pupils._

_At least Karin had left, as I didn't hear any more calls to wake up or knocks on my door. I yawned again and really opened my eyes this time, scanning the empty hotel room before my gaze fell on the single mirror._

_My jaw dropped when I saw pink hair and green eyes looking back at me._

_"Wh-what?!" I blurted, hearing my own female voice when I looked down in shock and saw my own familiar body underneath Sasuke-kun's baggy clothing. What had happened?! Had I turned back into myself overnight?!_

_"Sasuke-kun, come on! We have to go now!" shouted Karin's voice again as a fist hammered on my door. My mouth opened, but I said nothing, as she'd recognize my voice sounded nothing like Sasuke-kun's if I spoke. Luckily, I heard footsteps leading away from my door, meaning she'd left to possibly go annoy the rest of the team into waking up._

_I had to do something, I thought while quickly exiting the bed and standing nervously before the mirror. Yep, there was a teenage girl with pink hair wearing Sasuke-kun's clothes looking back at me. I didn't bother to wonder why the garments fitted so snugly to my figure, already too busy panicking about my predicament. What was I supposed to do? If I suddenly showed up looking like myself, the rest of the team might take me out and go off looking for the real Sasuke-kun, convinced that I was a decoy to keep them distracted while the real Uchiha was kidnapped or something. Oh, why had this happened now of all times?!_

_"Why?" I whined, smacking myself in the forehead. "Why now?!"_

_"Stop complaining. It's giving me a headache."_

_I froze at the sound of the voice I'd previously possessed, before I spun around in confusion to see…_

_"S-Sasuke-kun?!"_

_Even as I spoke, the room around us faded into a blurry haze as I stared outright. He stood before me in all his smexy glory, glaring at me with his arms crossed. I'd used to be afraid of his ever giving me that look, composed of annoyance and disdain. It didn't take a genius to tell he was upset with me._

_But in a millisecond, the serious atmosphere shattered as I realized just what he was wearing._

_"Pfffffft…Ahahahaha!" I couldn't hold back my laughter. I might have looked silly dressed in his clothes, but he looked nothing short of outrageous dressed in MINE. From my red headband nestled in his hair to my black boots hugging his calves, there was no way I could keep from bursting into hysterical cackles every time I looked at him in my red shirt and tight shorts._

_"Shut up," he muttered angrily, uncrossing his arms to tug at my tan skirt as his face flushed red. "This is all your fault."_

_It took me another few minutes to stop giggling completely. I mean, come ON! Just imagine the Uchiha Prodigy dressed as a girl and you'll know how hard it is not to snicker, even if the items had conveniently resized to fit his muscular form…_

_"I'm s-sorry," I choked out, wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. "You just…you just…"_

_"For your information, you look just as idiotic," he snapped, unnerved by my giggling at him. "Tell me what you did."_

_I sobered up quickly. "I switched us," I answered honestly, looking him straight in the eye. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience."_

_He looked taken aback for a moment. "How did…? No, wait…I don't want to know."_

_"Tsunade-shishou," I told him. "It was quick…painless, too. All you did was faint."_

_"I woke up as you!" he snapped. "With the dobe staring at me like I'd just come back from the dead!"_

_Oh how right he was, and how he didn't know it. I thought of Naruto then, and decided his supposed expression had been appropriate. After all…being apart from someone so long is a little like losing them…_

_"He missed you," I answered plainly, my eyes downcast. "And…so did I."_

_He was quiet then, obviously not wanting to divulge his thoughts on the matter._

_"I'm sorry it had to come to this," I admitted, my fingers fiddling absentmindedly with the coils of the purple rope around my waist. "But…we couldn't see any other way…And I promise I'll take good care of you. I mean, I've kept Karin at bay so far…"_

_There. He shivered. I was getting to him._

_"She's so weird," I stated, one hand on my hip. "Stalker much? And the other two aren't much help. Juugo's nice and all, but the rest of them, ugh…"_

_He might not have meant to do it, but his head nodded slightly in reply._

_"…So…I'm bringing you back," I murmured. "Even if we let you go in the village, the only way to switch back is to have us together, so I'd have to come home anyways to get my body back…But I promise I won't let anything happen to you."_

_He didn't answer, and I knew I'd probably had my quota of Sasuke Talk for the day. I was lucky he'd spoken to me at all, I supposed. Especially since I for once was in the upper-hand position in this situation. I guessed he didn't like being the victim all that much._

_"I'm leaving now," I said to his back as he turned away from me. "Gotta get the team out of this hotel you stuck us in. Goodbye, Sasuke-kun."_

_I didn't get an answer as I approached the room door and pushed it open, allowing some sort of blazing light to spill into the room until everything disappeared under a cloud of white…_

* * *

Birds chirped somewhere, the sound somewhat muffled. I frowned, rubbing at my eyes with my knuckles before forcing open one eye. My blurred vision saw the same empty hotel room as before, with that exact same angle of the window allowing sunlight to slap me in the face.

"Hunnh…" I groaned, sitting up and stretching, feeling my spine crack as it always did. There was a moment of panic when I blinked and saw ebony bangs hanging in front of my eyes, but that passed quickly once I remembered Tsunade and Naruto and Sasuke-kun…

The thought of him reminded me of everything that'd transpired up until now. I looked down and exhaled to see Sasuke-kun's porcelain-like skin instead of my own, the strangeness of it all hitting me a second time. Knowing I probably should have been up a while ago, I pushed back the white blankets around me, reluctant to give up their warmth.

Fortunately, I didn't sense anything outside my locked door. Karin had been, as I predicted, prowling around while I was preparing for bed, but it seemed she'd left after I'd fallen asleep. Obviously bitter that I'd deprived her of the chance to see Sasuke-kun snuggled up in his blankets like a little baby. And it didn't hurt at all that his delicious body was currently clad in nothing but boxer shorts.

Oh, well. Her loss.

* * *

"You're disgusting, you know that?"

The team's resident stalker fangirl stuck her tongue out in response. "You're just jealous, Suigetsu."

The silver-haired man facepalmed. "You're calling me _jealous_? Because I don't have some chick I'm so infatuated with that I'd steal her clothes out of a _laundry hamper_?"

He was promptly ignored as the redhead went back to stroking her stolen article of the Uchiha's attire, a decidedly demented-looking grin stuck firmly to her face. Suigetsu wanted nothing more than to see just how she'd get punished once their team leader woke up and discovered his shirt had been swiped again. What was this world coming to, where not even the innocent act of washing one's laundry was sacred?

"You're not _keeping_ it, are you?" he muttered, returning to his previous task of dutifully scrubbing the end of his oversized sword with a dishrag as the three of them waited patiently in the hotel's floor hallway for the appearance of the resident Uchiha. "Or is that what you want, because he'll have no choice but to go around shirtless?"

"Shut up," she answered, taking a deep inhale of the smell of the white cloth she'd pilfered. "I left the rest of his things, at least. Couldn't very well go in there and get them off of him by myself. Mmm, Sasuke-kun's such a man, only needing shorts to sleep in…"

Suigetsu rolled his eyes.

"…Karin-san should…give Sasuke-san his clothing back," Juugo spoke for the first time that morning, watching with a faintly nauseated expression as his teammate fingered their leader's missing garment. "Sasuke-san will be angry with us."

"Oh, shut up," she retorted angrily, "He _won't_."

Suigetsu smirked triumphantly as the door to their leader's room creaked open. But as soon as the subject of their conversation appeared, he had to slap a hand over his sharp-toothed mouth to stifle a chuckle.

Karin's face fell as her object of affection stepped through the doorway, her view of luscious muscles obscured by a dark gray bathrobe wrapped tightly around that figure she'd been longing to see unveiled.

Oh, this was gold.

* * *

"H-hey, S-Sas-s-uke," Suigetsu choked between un-manly giggles. I ignored him right now, focusing an irritated glare on our female member of the team.

_How dare she?! The little cretin! Let me at her!_

"Where is it?" I muttered in monotone, knowing full well she possessed what I was speaking of. Reluctantly, she got to her feet and trotted over, holding out Sasuke-kun's white shirt before I grabbed it from her and retreated back to my room, making sure to slam the door.

"See?" I heard from behind the wood. "Told ya."

"Shut up, Suigetsu!"

_They're both complete idiots,_ my Inner remarked as I exchanged my bathrobe for Sasuke-kun's normal attire. Words cannot describe how ticked I was to find, after putting my cleaned stuff in a laundry basket only two short minutes ago, the little slug had stolen my shirt. How I wanted to punch something right now, and imagine it was her ugly head as it crumbled into dust. Maybe I'd do it later, under the pretext of training. Always a useful excuse for causing collateral damage.

_Bed made, check. Cloak, check. Arm guards, check. Sword tucked into sash, check. Frowning face? Double-check. All righty Sakura, let's move out._

The rest of the team was sitting exactly where I'd left them when I pushed the door open for the second time. Karin and Suigetsu had shut up, and were glaring at each other as Juugo stared mindlessly at a bird outside one of the hallway windows. For some reason, I felt like a Jounin instructor as I looked at them, knowing I'd have to organize them as best I could, not unlike a team of unruly Genin. Was this how Kakashi-sensei had felt after meeting the future team seven for the first time?

"We're leaving," I stated simply, watching as the three of them scrambled to their feet. Wow, it felt good to be obeyed. No wonder Sasuke-kun was such a snip about being team leader.

The others were reasonably quiet as we descended the stairwell and exited the building, the receptionist giving me a last dreamy glance before giving us the standard wishing of a good journey. Then we were outside, and I was stuck. I had absolutely no idea where this town was. It could be anywhere from a few miles from the village to all the way across the continent.

"Whoo!" Suigetsu breathed behind me, "Goodbye, Karahara!"

_Wait a minute…Karahara? I know this place!_

Had nobody been liable to see it, I would've smiled. I remembered seeing this town on a map while on a mission with Naruto and Yamato and Sai…If memory served, we were only one or two hundred miles from Tanzaku, where Naruto and Jiraiya had first run into members of the Akatsuki…

_Chyea! This'll be a breeze! All we gotta do is keep going southeast, and we'll be back in no time!_

Suigetsu and Karin had, of course, been bickering while I had my little train of thought, but both followed along with Juugo when I started walking. All obviously assumed I knew where I was going and the thought to question it didn't even seem to cross their minds. They just followed like obedient little ducklings.

_YES! This is almost too easy! Wait, no, don't wanna jinx myself…_

Don't you worry, Naruto and Sasuke-kun.

I'm on my way home.

* * *

CRACK!

Yosh. Because it's a plausible explanation fueled by fanart on DA.

Hahahaha. -is shot-


	5. Camping Trip

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter Five: Camping Trip**

* * *

"How about there?"

I scanned the suggested area with critical eyes.

"Too many rocks," I answered, grimacing on the inside at the thought of trying to sleep with a zillion little pebbles biting into my back. If I had a chiropractor, they'd be rich after a night, literally, on the rocks.

"Over there?"

_Hmm…mossy and grassy, that means it's soft, but wait…_

"Too out in the open," I said in reply. "Easily visible from almost any direction, including aerial surveillance."

Suigetsu muttered curses under his breath, obviously annoyed that I'd been rejecting his suggestions of spots for us to camp out that night, seeing as we were quite a ways from any towns. I'd spent the few days we'd been on the road so far honing my acting talents, and so far I'd put up with ten billion "Sasuke-kun!"-s, Juugo talking to chipmunks, narrowly escaping being assaulted in my sleep _again_, Suigetsu whining, and a total of two and a half mega-super-ultra-fights-to-the-death, which I'd had to break up with little more than my bare hands.

_How does Sasuke-kun DO it?!_

"We need a sheltered area," I told our sword-toting member. "Other than that, conditions are not important."

"Fine, fine, I gotcha," he answered with a bored flick of his hand. "Like a cave or something."

"A _dry_ cave," inserted Karin. "Last time _you_ picked the spot, I had to curl up in a freaking _puddle_."

"Maybe I did that on purpose," the water-nin smirked.

Ah, yes. That makes it _three_ mega-super-ultra-fights-to-the-death.

"Both of you, be quiet," I muttered in supposed annoyance, turning to Juugo who thankfully had remained quiet. "Any ideas?"

His eyes flicked back and forth, before he half-whispered through the sounds of the other two attempting to gouge out each others' eyes.

"…The birds…say there is a cluster of fallen trees," he said, his eyes fixed skyward as sparrows cheeped in the branches overhead. "It would be warm there…And dry…"

"Good," I said simply, sending an irritated look at the other members of our group. "We're moving out. Juugo found a place."

The two broke apart from a painful-looking headlock, glaring venomously at each other before trotting after Juugo and myself in fuming silence. I could only imagine how everyone back home would react to their constant bickering. Tremendous flirts would laugh and call it a "lovers' spat," to which I would quickly break something blunt over their thick, Neanderthal skulls. People have strange minds sometimes.

After several minutes of walking in almost deafening quiet, the loudmouthed two heaved collective sighs of relief when we finally reached the shelter Juugo's birds had mentioned. Several trees lay crookedly where they had fallen, their severed stumps looking chewed-up and maggoty. It wouldn't take more than an hour or so to get some of them leaning up against a dirt wall, which could be constructed easily enough. The roof could be interwoven branches, and with all that in place, we'd be safe even if a tornado hit…

"It's good enough," I said. "We can get it done before nightfall."

I took the two whiners' groans of complaint as concurrence.

* * *

_Knock-knock-knock-knock-!_

"For god's sake, dobe, I'm not _done_ yet! Go away!"

"But _teme-e-e_, you've been in there for ten minutes, dattebayo! I hafta _go-o-o-…_"

Throwing a roll of toilet paper at the bathroom door seemed to temporarily silence the whining blonde. Sasuke wasn't in any particular hurry to let the dobe relieve himself in his containment cell's single, teeny-tiny bathroom anytime soon. Consider it revenge for sucking him out of his beloved, _male_ body. Now whenever he sat, his legs _touched_ each other. Never having experienced the sensation before, the feeling of having his knees touching while sitting was beyond unnerving. Plus, he had a new manga that day, and he'd be darned if he let the dobe have his porcelain cruise without finishing the last chapter.

"_Hey!" Ichigo complained accusingly, "That's not fair! You have a special ointment to stop your bleeding!" Ikkaku retorted, "It is too fair. It's called being prepared, you idiot! Instead of complaining, you should be applauding my professionalism!"_

Aha. How the Reapers reminded him of himself and the dobe way back when. If Kurosaki happened to be blonde and have a slightly more cheery demeanor, not to mention if Madarame wasn't bald, he could almost see himself and the dobe reenacting that very scene. All hail the glorious world of crossover crack.

"Teme! Oh my god, I can't hold it in, dattebayo! Lemme in! Please!"

"Shut. Up," he said exceedingly slowly, just to aggravate him as Sakura's well-manicured fingers turned another page. Kurosaki and Madarame were about to have at it again, a spectacle he wasn't going to let Naruto spoil.

"AAAGH! I _hate_ you, teme! Open the door or I'll break it down, dattebayo!"

"Sakura would be angry," Sasuke retorted smugly, "if you came in while she happened to be relieving herself."

Ha. He could practically hear the dobe flinching at the thought of what might happen if his best friend tattled that he'd barged in on Sakura's body while it was less-than-decent. Truthfully, he was sitting fully-clothed on the closed lid of the tiny toilet, but he'd rather the dobe didn't know that.

Ugh. His knees were touching again. And, unfortunately, his seated position only became comfortable when they _were_ touching. Stupid female hip structures…And if he'd _really_ been using the toilet, he'd have to subject his bottom to the freezing plastic of the seat. How did Sakura _do_ it?

"TEME-E-E-E-E!"

Yup, that was the dobe's breaking point right there.

"Fine, fine," he grumbled, dog-earing his page before snapping the small graphic novel shut. "I'm coming out."

A quick flush of the toilet to complete his act, and Naruto was practically hammering his way right through the door by the time he unlocked the doorknob. The next thing he knew, he was sitting on the floor of his cell in a heap, as Naruto had shoved him out of the way and slammed the bathroom door shut in no more than a microsecond.

"Dobe," he muttered angrily, making sure his precious tankobon novel hadn't been damaged as he stood up and dusted himself off. On the other side of the bathroom door, Naruto was heaving a monumental sigh of relief.

And if not for his current inability to use chakra (curse that Hyuga), the two-foot-thick steel walls of his cell, the seals over the exit and the eight full ANBU squadrons stationed outside, now just might have been the perfect time to stage an elaborate escape plan. _Sigh_.

A minute or so later, Naruto flushed the cell's miniscule toilet, already preparing ways to get back at that lousy teme for making him almost wet himself. Maybe he'd conveniently "forget" to bring the next volume of his precious comic next time he visited. Yeah, that should do it. The Uchiha could deal with tortures and mind-scarring, but take away his shonen manga and he'd be putty in the blonde's hands.

Still wrapped up in vengeful thoughts, Naruto frowned when he grabbed the bathroom door handle and attempted to turn it. The stupid thing wouldn't move. He jiggled it a little, before a shocked expression took over his face.

"_TEMEEEEE!_"

On the other side of the door, Sasuke smirked, holding the key to the bathroom door's lock between two green-polished fingernails. And right now, it didn't even matter that his knees were touching because Naruto screaming was always cause for muted celebration. Especially if he himself was the culprit of the jinchuuriki's misery. Let's see the dobe try to tie him back onto that godawful restraint table _this_ time. Whose idea was it anyway to only let him off that thing for bathroom breaks? He'd have some fun tormenting them once he got his Sharingan back…

"_Teme! Lemme out, dattebayo! Lemme out of here, teme! Are you listening to me?!_"

Ah, he breathed internally. Vengeance and Naruto-abuse. Good times.

* * *

"EEP!"

I rolled my eyes as Karin squealed, another peal of thunder booming overhead. Fortunately, I had wedged myself so tightly between Suigetsu and Juugo, there was no way she could possibly cuddle up to me as the four of us huddled under our puny shelter in an effort to stay dry. Luckily, we'd finished the stupid thing before it started raining, and good _god_ it was the storm of the century out there.

"Quiet," hissed Suigetsu, the only one sitting closest to the edge of our dry spot, as the rain didn't bother him. I was squeezed beside him with Juugo protecting my right side, and Karin doing her best to somehow worm her way past him and claim a spot next to me. Luckily, the rolling thunder and frequent flashes of lightning put a halt to her progress.

Suigetsu muttered something about pig's intestines after Karin stuck her tongue out at him. I sighed silently, attempting to wrap my blanket more tightly around myself. The thick, woolly cloth was an almost-black shade of navy-blue. I'd wanted the peach-colored one, but that would've been out of character. So the peach blanket went to Juugo, who looked very contented with himself for one reason or another.

"When's this rain gonna let up?" whined our team redhead, attempting to entice me with a quivering bottom lip and attempted cuteness. "It's been going on for_ever_."

"It'll stop once it soaks you so your hair is flat on both sides," Suigetsu muttered, and the two were soon embroiled in a pinching war. I rolled my eyes. Could they _get_ any more immature? It was like the Genin days of team seven, with Naruto and Sasuke-kun constantly bickering…

"Hey Sasuke," Suigetsu complained, giving Karin a final pinch. "It's chilly, man. Can't you make us a fire or something?"

_Oh CRAP_.

"…Fine," I managed to mutter with a straight face, crawling out of my little ball of warmth and sitting myself where several stray sticks and bits of wood could be gathered into a pile. This was, of course, me attempting to stall the inevitable.

_What am I supposed to DO?! I can't blow fire…can I? I mean, I know the hand signs…Can I pull this off?_

Shifting my weight in case I had to jump back quickly (which was more than likely going to be needed considering my inexperience at using fire techniques), I managed to form the seals without too much hassle. I was getting better at using Sasuke-kun's big hands. Whoop de do.

_Snake, ram, monkey, boar, horse, tiger!_

"Katon," I announced in a warning tone, "Gokakyuu no jutsu."

And _holy frigging shiitake mushrooms_, I blew in a steady stream, and _fire_ came out.

Holy. Frigging. Shiitake mushrooms. I just breathed FIYAH.

The pile of sticks ignited instantly, and I sat there like an idiot, staring in disbelief while the rest of the team rejoiced and hustled forward to bask in the newly-created heat. I had just done something I'd only thought Sasuke-kun could pull off. I mean, I'd seen other ninja use the fire-breathing jutsu before, but not with this kind of _precision_. Sasuke-kun's body had practically acted on its own, his powerful chakra shaped enough from practice that even if a complete novice like me tried the technique, it'd happen almost automatically.

And I hadn't even set myself on fire by accident. Mad skills right there!

_Wait a mo-…Does that mean…I can use the Chidori? SWEET!_

And of course, because fate seems to be hating on me right now, our little bubble of warmth and contentment promptly popped when a gust of chilly wind blew right into our faces, the rain it carried with it quickly putting out the fire with a few short hissing noises. Now we were all cold, wet, and cumulatively miserable. And to think things had been going so well…

_Stupid wind!_ Inner me growled, shaking a fist at the sky. Now what were we supposed to do?

"Sasuke-ku-u-un, we should huddle together or we'll get hypothermia!"

Eyes rolled.

"For god's sake Karin, it's seventy degrees. The only reason it's cold is because the rain's chilly," Suigetsu muttered. Man, for a loudmouthed idiot, sometimes I really appreciated having him around to voice my thoughts for me.

"Shut _up_!" Karin retorted, but due to the fact that Juugo and myself were currently separating them, all they could do was glare at each other. Good thing too, I was feeling kinda sucky right now, and them having another fight would've gotten me all cranky.

And both my teammates back home know what Sakura is like when she's cranky.

_Geez…I miss Naruto. and Kakashi. And Yamato. And…and Sai. Yes, I even miss Sai. Somewhere a herd of pigs just sprouted wings and took off._

And all I could do at the time was pull my rain-splattered blanket closer around me and sleepily plot ways to scare the crap out of Naruto once we reached Konoha. Gad…I was really missing being Sakura right about now.

And I could only imagine how much Sasuke-kun was missing himself as well.

* * *

-

God _god_ that login glitch was annoying.


	6. The AM in a BUSH

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter Six: The AM in a BUSH**

* * *

Morning. After last night's rainstorm, the warmth and drying sunlight would be much appreciated. And as soon as my groggy eyes cracked open, I was greeted with a blurry view of the clearing outside our hastily-constructed shelter. The grass sparkled with leftover rain and morning dew, making the whole clearing floor look like emeralds.

_So pretty…_

Fortunately, when I shifted under my blanket, I found myself curled up just as I had been last night, using Juugo's side as a pillow while Suigetsu snored quietly to my left and Karin lay hugging one of my feet with her thumb in her mouth. For a bunch of supposedly dangerous Sound ninja, they were like little angels when they were asleep.

_Wait…now how am I supposed to get up?!_

Step one, untangle Karin from her deathgrip on my foot. Step two, slip out from between Suigetsu and Juugo. Step three, make it out of the shelter without stepping on anyone. Mission success, because I'm just that good.

Standing all the way up and stretching was pure heaven after hours of the fetal position. The wet grass under my feet squished softly as I took a few steps further from the woody shelter where the other three were still fast asleep. Overhead, early-morning sunlight left dappled patterns on the mossy ground, and only chirping birds broke the silence. I breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of damp earth, and felt…at peace.

_It's so nice out here…_

As compared to my clean, boring room back home and the densely-inhabited buildings of the village, out here everything was alive. Birds were singing and woodland rodents were scurrying around…even the wind rustling the tree leaves overhead sounded musical. I'd have to ask Tsunade-shishou for more out-of-town missions once I got back. I'd rather waste my time out here than sitting at home doing paperwork.

Speaking of home, I probably oughta wake the others up. We'd make good time today if we managed to get a few more miles out of the way. And hopefully no more rain would keep us from sleeping most of the night again…

Some bushes off to the side rustled.

_Oh, GOD no. Don't tell me some idiot hid out there all night in the rain, hoping to catch one of us off-guard and possibly maim, critically injure, kidnap, or kill us? Geez. No sense of originality at all. And if they think I'm going over there to "investigate" and probably get a face full of chloroform, they've got another thing coming._

I sent an annoyed glare at the rustling bush, knowing I'd have to go deal with whoever was behind it sooner or later. But, the shinobi that makes the first move sets themselves up for a counterattack. I had to wait until he/she came at me first, and with Sasuke-kun's finely-tuned battle instincts, it'd be a piece of cake to beat them to a bloody pulp.

Something under my feet moved.

_Thank you, Kakashi-sensei!_ my Inner squealed gratefully as I strafed backwards, mere milliseconds from having a hand burst through the dirt under me and grab for my ankle. I was used to the adrenaline clouding out thought during a fight, but what surprised me was how Sasuke-kun's senses only became clearer, instead of rushed mash of reactions.

As if on its own, Sasuke-kun's hand quickly reached back and unsheathed his Kusanagi. _I_ barely realized I was holding it at all until the blade was brought down on the protruding hand. I knew it had already retreated by the time the metal hit the dirt, but somehow…I could sense more tiny movements underground. In less than a second, Sasuke-kun's brain had figured out where my attacker would reemerge, and his body was already on the offensive, taking a backhanded slash at the figure that proceeded to appear behind me.

I felt the sword in my hand stop with a metallic _clang_, and for a moment wondered why on earth the rest of the team wasn't coming out to help me. Hadn't they heard the noise?

Keeping the rest of my senses trained on whoever was behind me, I risked a quick glance toward our tree-shelter. Under the leafy roof, I could see the three of them stirring sleepily, having just been awoken. Those first few blows I had exchanged with my enemy had only taken a few _seconds_.

"I should have expected as such from an Uchiha."

_Eww_. Forget the fact that I was locked in mortal combat, having the guy attacking me hissing in my ear was just plain _nasty_.

Wait…_hissing_? _Ohcrap-_

This time, it was definitely Sasuke-kun's instincts that made me zoom back before the ground where I had been standing erupted in a pillar of writhing snakes. Fortunately, rushed footsteps behind me told me meant the team was awake, confirmed when Suigetsu and Karin appeared at my sides.

"Not even noon yet and we're already being attacked," complained Suigetsu, pointing the tip of his weighty sword toward out opponent. "This _bites_."

The pillar of reptiles dispersed, revealing our attacker standing alone, his body hidden by a hooded black cloak. Even as the last of the serpents vanished into the forest undergrowth, I gulped as the hood was lifted, and a pair of yellowy eyes stared me straight in the face.

The three behind me froze, and it took even Karin a few seconds to manage out words.

"O-O-rochim-maru-sama?!" she squeaked, the other two obviously thinking the same thing. "But…but Sasuke-kun, I thought you…"

"He's different…" Juugo added, and he was right. I knew this wasn't the real Sannin. Not completely anyway. The last time I had seen that eye, it had been grafted onto the face of Yakushi Kabuto. The cell replication was almost complete, but there were still a few patches left on an otherwise complete snake ninja.

"I'm disappointed, Sasuke-kun," he said, and all of us flinched. "Couldn't you manage to be glad to see your old teacher?"

I managed to get my act back together, brandishing Sasuke-kun's Kusanagi as I sent the half-formed Orochimaru a death-glare. "This time, you'll stay dead when I kill you," I said coolly.

_Wow, ohmygod that was so cool. Yay amazing acting skills, hahaha!_

"All of you, back," I ordered the rest of the team, "I'll get rid of him."

"In a hurry, are we, Sasuke-kun?" the snake-nin drawled. "Where to?"

I refused to answer, and readied my stance in case he sent any early attacks at me.

"Not going to answer? Well, then-"

"Sasuke-kun!"

Karin's interrupting squeak caught my attention, but only from the urgency in her tone. Risking a glance back over my shoulder, I stopped dead and stared.

Juugo was on his knees, clutching at his bowed head and groaning in pain through his gritted teeth. But what caught my gaze and held it were the fiery black splotches appearing on his skin. I knew those marks all too well.

_A…curse mark?! Oh, crap…_

"_Kill_…"

I could imagine even Orochimaru felt a shiver at that single word, as I know I certainly did when Juugo looked up again, and both his eyes were red and yellow…and bloodthirsty.

_What's going on?!_

"You…" his voice said again as a mark-covered hand lifted to point at our opponent. "I'll kill _you_."

"Wait!" I called to him, "Stop-!"

My words went unheard, and without Sasuke-kun's razor-sharp vision I couldn't even have followed Juugo's movements as he lunged at the snake ninja. The next few seconds were a flurry of parried and exchanged blows between the two, with Orochimaru quickly evading while Juugo hammered away at his defenses with inhuman speed and strength.

I gulped with a dry throat. What on earth had Sasuke-kun teamed up with? So far I'd learned Karin was a sensor and Suigetsu was made of water, but I'd assumed up until now that Juugo was simply backup muscle…

_And he has a mark, too…Just like…_

"Sasuke-kun, do something!" Karin shrieked at me, jerking me out of my thoughts. "He'll be killed if you don't stop him!"

She was right, I thought grimly. As furious as his attacks were, it was a resurrected Sannin against one of his own rogue shinobi. Juugo wouldn't stand a chance if this went on much longer. I had to stop both of them.

_Wait, how am I supposed to do that?_ I thought, searching for an opening in the two's battle. _The last time Sasuke-kun was cursed, I hugged him and it went away…Don't think that'll work here, though…_

An opening came. Without hesitation, I took the chance…

And the next thing I knew, I was blocking a sword that had appeared from within Orochimaru's mouth with one hand holding my Kusanagi, and the other grasping Juugo's neck while using one of my own techniques and sending just enough chakra into his nerves to keep him from moving.

"Juugo," I ordered, "Stand down."

"Don't tell me what to do!" he retorted, struggling against my paralyzing block. "I'll kill him! And you too!"

_He's not listening…!_

"Juugo…" I repeated, feeling determination boiling up inside me, "_Stand…down…_"

His curse-changed eyes met mine, and I held his gaze as if nothing else existed. In the back of my head, I glared at the black coating his eyeballs, and willed it to recede the longer I looked at it.

Suddenly…my eyes felt warm. The burning in my guts felt like it was flowing into them, but then they immediately felt cold…So cold, like snow and ice…What was happening?

The moment the icy feeling faded, Juugo's mark began to dissipate. For some reason, now the marks were now laced with blurry streaks of red energy blending in with the black. Soon enough, I was looking at Juugo as I knew him, with rage replaced by trembling realization at what he'd done as I released my hold on his throat.

"Sasuke…san…" he whispered hoarsely, stumbling back before falling to his hands and knees, "I…I'm sorry…I didn't mean…"

"Such control," Orochimaru's voice chuckled from behind me, our blades still locked together. "Well done, Sasuke-kun. You make a fine leader after all."

_You…_ I thought angrily as I turned my head back to face him, _How could you do this to people?!_

My eyes could just pick out shimmering streaks identical to the red lines from Juugo's curse floating around the snake Sannin in an aural haze of blue and gold. What on earth was happening? My eyes glanced up to meet golden snake ones, and in them, I saw Sasuke-kun's face reflected. Anger flared in his eyes, bloody crimson anger…Wait…the really _were_ crimson…instead of black. How on earth did…? But the moment I shook myself into realizing it, time seemed to stop.

I'd activated the Sharingan.

"Ohoh…" my opponent murmured approvingly, "A new trick, Sasuke-kun? What does this one do?"

_Oh no! What do I do? I can't use this thing!_

"I'm afraid I'll have to cut this meeting short, Sasuke-kun," the Sannin told me with a flick of his freakish purple tongue, "But I'll be looking forward to seeing your new tricks…before you rejoin me."

Instinctively, I sensed a slash aimed at my abdomen coming, and Sasuke-kun's body bolted backwards to avoid it. This allowed the mere seconds it took my opponent to melt completely into the ground to pass, and in less than a minute I couldn't even sense his massive chakra output anymore, let alone see the blue and yellow haze of his chakra.

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Juugo?!"

Oh. Those two. I'd forgotten about them, I thought as I blinked, and the colored haze over my eyes lifted. So I'd learned how to turn Sasuke-kun's bloodline off as well…Wouldn't he be proud of me once I told him…

I barely realized my vision had gone blurry before the wave of dizziness assaulted my head. My balance must have screwed up too, as the next thing I knew I was being caught and lifted from behind as blurry faces shouted incomprehensible words at me…

I remembered one of them saying something that sounded like "strain on his ability," but then my eyes closed by themselves and blackness surrounded me…

* * *

I awoke with a wicked headache in yet another unfamiliar room, this time in a traditional floor-mat bed in a wood-paneled room with a sliding paper-screen door only inches to my left. The room was dark but for a soft white glow shining through cracks in the wood, telling me it was well into nighttime and I'd been out for the better half of a day.

I closed my eyes again, and wished the throbbing behind my eyes would go away…If I'd known the side effects of using Sasuke-kun's abilities, I'd have rather taken a physical approach and…

The recollection of my fight with Orochimaru woke me up completely. I all but bolted upright in bed, instantly regretting doing so as a wave of nausea attacked me. How could Sasuke-kun stand waking up feeling as if hung over every time he used his eyes in battle? The design I'd seen reflected back at me hadn't been the normal three-prong Sharingan I knew…This time it'd looked something like an atom with three orbits…But what did it all mean?

Ugh, I'd figure it out in the morning. My head was still pounding, and staying up all night wondering wasn't going to help. And of course, fate feeling particularly nasty that day, the moment I lay back down I heard the screen door slide open behind me deliberately slowly.

Any thoughts of it being an attacker were banished by a very soft, very smug, and very female giggle that emanated from my unwanted visitor.

_Not AGAIN_, I thought bitterly, gritting my teeth in annoyance. _What is the matter with her? Every single time I ended up helplessly bedridden, did she have to come in here and try to do whatever she wanted?! This is the last straw!_

If she was going to be bugging me every time I tried to get some sleep, I figured I owed her some kind of retaliation. A devious little plot worked itself into my mind, and I almost smiled at the sheer genius of it. I waited, carefully timing myself so she was right beside me, before I twitched under my sheets. Sensing her flinch, I continued with…

"Sakura…chan…" I whispered slowly.

It worked. She stopped dead in her tracks. I grinned in my mind, and went on.

"…Mmm…Sakura-chan…" I repeated, making sure she'd be able to see my hands gripping my pillow. "Oh…Don't do that…"

I heard her hand clap over her mouth as I turned my face, and pretended to engage in a big, sloppy kiss with my pillow as if it were the object of affection in my supposed dream. "My sweet…Sakura-chan…Mmhmmm…"

I heard her take a few steps back, and could only imagine the horrified look on her face as she watched her beloved stalking victim make out with "his" cushion in the midst of a hormone-fueled dream.

"…Ahhh…" I murmured into the soft cotton pillowcase while chuckling sleepily, "I like it…Mmm, baby…"

This went on for several more minutes, me talking to and cuddling my cushion like a teenage boy with his girlfriend, before she finally snapped and bolted, making sure the door clicked shut behind her. Only then did I crack open one eye and smirk triumphantly at the closed door, knowing at least now I'd get a few uninterrupted nights of sleep.

_Pillow, I'm sorry to say it won't work out between us. My heart belongs to Sasuke-kun. Maybe I could get you together with that redhead and have her out of my hair for a bit?_

And as long as I was in charge of Sasuke-kun's body, a pillow date would be all the romance she'd be getting on this little road trip. Tee-hee.

* * *

Whoooaaaa, noupdatesinforeversosorry. been busy with life.

And hm, this one came out more dramatic than intended. Yay cell-grafting canon fodder. God only knows why i want to cosplay that....


	7. Turncoats and Prison Breaks

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter Seven: Turncoats and Prison Breaks**

* * *

I awoke to the smell of burned fish, which nudged my sleepy brain out of dreamland with its tangy scent. A few blinks and a yawn later, and I was sitting up in my mat-bed, wondering where on earth I'd been dragged this time.

The "room," if it could be called that, was a three-foot-by-eight rectangle of space, with a wood wall to my right and a paper-screen door to my left. The ceiling and floor under me were wood too, but not the newly waxed floors of a residential building. This thin lumber was ancient, covered with dust and worm-eaten in places that hadn't half-rotted.

Fortunately, the blankets and pillow covering me weren't nearly as old. I allowed a smug smile at the pillow and its role in fangirl-deterrence, but cringed then, hoping I wouldn't be questioned about my "girlfriend" anytime soon. If luck with Karin went my way, she'd forget any specific names and focus on the fact that I hated her guts.

Ouch. My eyes stung a little once I got them adjusted to the daylight shining through holes in the paper of the screen door. Other than that, my only problems seemed to be sleepy sluggishness, which I dispelled with a quick head-shaking after checking to see all Sasuke-kun's possessions intact on his person.

Wondering why the rest of this place was so quiet, I gripped the edge of the screen door and pulled, expecting my team to have been bickering all this time…

The room beyond my little hideaway was the size of the average garden shed. Rotting wood and hole-filled paper screens showed just how old it all was, but what caught my attention was my team, slumped in corners and completely silent.

A snore echoed through the enclosure, and I realized they were sleeping like logs.

_Um…it's not THAT early in the morning…Is it? No way…the sunlight's angle through the holes in the walls mean it's mid-morning…_

My mind instantly brought up a memory of Naruto sleeping in late back home, and I smiled on the inside. He was always such a messy sleeper…

One of the group, probably Suigetsu, mumbled in his sleep, reminding me we were currently…Come to think of it, where on earth _were_ we? All I knew was, I'd passed out and woken up here…

The fishy smell from before stung my eyes, and I found the remains of what had probably been their breakfast in charred little pieces on the floor. As if reminding me I hadn't eaten yet, my stomach rumbled, and I winced. Breakfast back home at the village sounded so nice right now…

_Eh, I'll go find something to eat, then come back and wake up these lumps. Maybe see if I can find a river for clothes-washing again. Stupid male sweatiness…_

Once again, I amazed myself with the awesome power of stepping over the sleeping forms of the team without waking them. The wormy, rickety door of the little shack practically fell right off its hinges when I gave it a little tap, but a second later I was out of the rotting little cabin, and seeing that it was just as bad on the outside.

Obviously having been abandoned for some time, the paper of the screen doors was ripped and stained like the inside, while the rocks piled at each corner support seemed to be the only thing holding the roof up, which itself was missing discolored tiles. Though, counting the sloped shape of the roof, it was more of a tiny pagoda than a storage shed, as I'd thought it was at first. Oh, well. As long as we had it to ourselves, as the surrounding forest of trees seemed deserted.

_Yeah. Better go find a pond and clean up. I probably don't smell too good…_

I dreamed only of a nice, hot shower back home as I trotted off in search of clean water. Naruto was watching my body back home, but at least he had daily meals and hygiene ready to go…This was one of the reasons long out-in-the-wilderness missions got tiresome. Right now, I'd have given an arm and a leg (my own of course, not Sasuke-kun's) to be able to relax in a bubble bath with a bar of chocolate and maybe some scented candles on the side…

Wait…I stopped, my ears pricking up…Yes! I heard running water! A cold river was a cold river, but at least it was better than stinking to high heaven. A few stumbles through bushes later, and there it was. A wide, thigh-deep stream with a gentle current and water as clear as glass. The all-important temperature test revealed it wasn't even freezing cold, only pleasantly and refreshingly cool. _Perfect_.

Of course, one would be expecting the old cliché of, "guy/girl takes off clothes, gets in water, discovers a watcher, freaks out." But you see, Sakura Haruno has lived with little incidents like this, and knows better than to invite them with thoughtless actions. No peeping girls would be getting a view of _this_.

Even so, I seemed to be in luck, as no presences could be sensed in the immediate vicinity. I left Sasuke-kun's Kusanagi and surprising array of hidden knives in a neat pile before disrobing of all but pants, and carrying the armful of dirty, smelly clothes over to the crystal-clear river water.

I'm sure Sasuke-kun would thank me for it once he got them back.

* * *

"We're…_what_?"

"We're. Out. Of. _Money._ You. _Fool_! How many times do I have to repeat myself?! We're broke! Washed up! Gone under!"

Karin went on shrieking synonyms at Suigetsu as he feebly attempted to cover his aching ears. Now that the three had woken and found their leader had wandered off, Juugo had immediately left to go commune with nature to find his whereabouts, and Karin was whining that they couldn't afford a search party.

"Geez, woman," he muttered, one pinky finger already rubbing his sore eardrums. "He probably went to go take a leak, quit screamin'…"

Her eyes immediately lit up at that thought. Suigetsu made a gagging sound, which quickly earned him a punch to the face, causing his head to splatter to the floor in a puddle.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun!" Karin immediately turned to wail dramatically, as Suigetsu's liquefied head bubbled angrily in trying to re-form itself. "Where have you gone, my love?"

"River."

The two jumped in surprise to find their third member already bowing his head to stoop under the low doorway of the entrance. The two waited for an elaboration, but none came as he promptly seated himself back in his corner of the shack.

"He's at a river…?"

"Like I said," Suigetsu muttered, rubbing his re-solidified skull, "He's probably taking a leak."

"Or…" Karin's eyes glittered, "Maybe he's _bathing!_ Ooh, Sasuke-kun! I shall join you, my sweet!"

This time, Suigetsu only rolled his eyes, not wanting to have to de-puddle-ify himself a second time as the team's redhead quickly sprinted out the rickety door.

"Shouldn't we stop-?" Juugo began, but Suigetsu silenced him with a raised hand.

"Nah. Leave her," he answered amusedly. "She'll come back miserable because her precious Sasuke-kun didn't take well to her peeping in on him."

Juugo nodded. "He will not… indeed…"

* * *

_Ugh_. Bloodstains are a _pain_ in the _anus_ to wash out by hand. This I hoped I'd never have to re-learn, as standing knee-deep in now-cold water was turning my feet numb. Any deeper and I'd soak the rolled-up legs of my pants, but grr…Why couldn't Sasuke-kun have picked a shirt color other than _white_? Black would've been more convenient, but blood on a white shirt was all-or-nothing. What I wouldn't have given for my detergent back home in my laundry room…

"Ow!" I hissed, scraping the back of a finger against a sharp river stone. Sticking the injured digit in my mouth to keep the cut from getting infected, I decided it would be stupid to carry on without a break. After all, I'd already finished with the rest of the "laundry," which now sat drying on the bank.

After the cold of the flowing water, the grass of solid ground felt heavenly under my frozen toes. I flopped down in a heap, trying without much success to flex the numbness out of my fingers. Had I still been a rabid fangirl, I might've died of happiness to see Sasuke-kun lying shirtless and soaked, and even more importantly, vulnerable to hug-attacks. Good thing there weren't any fangirls out here in the woods, or else-

"Sasuke-kuuuuun!"

The moment a shadow appeared over me from behind, I rolled sideways, narrowly missing the body that flung itself at the spot where I had been only seconds before, the impact giving off a loud and painful-sounding _thump_.

I cursed, instinctively scrambling to my feet and backing away to grab a weapon from my clothes before I recognized that red hair and obscenely short shorts. _Her_ again.

"Sasuke-kun!" she pouted, having already recovered from nearly smashing my ribcage and rolling over to try and pose seductively. "Don't play hard to get!"

"Karin!" I forced out between panting breaths, "What is the matter with you?!"

I think she attempted a cute face, but it turned out looking more like a pug dog with gas.

"Don't be silly Sauske-kun," she cooed, "I came to give you some _company_!"

This girl was nothing short of exasperating. "No," I told her firmly, still backing away in case she was going to try to jump on me again. "Go back to the others. Now."

"But-but-but!" she whined, "But Sasuke-kun, I can-!"

"_Go_," I growled, my racing thoughts trying to remember how to…

In a flash, I felt my eyes grow warm, then as icy-cold as the river water. Good thing too, as my use of the Sharingan seemed to get it through her head that I meant business. In my eyes, she now stood wreathed in an obnoxiously bright aura of lime-green, but the expression on her face quickly changed from fear to teary-eyed sadness.

"Why, Sasuke-kun?" she whimpered in a high tone, "Why won't you let me in? What don't I have?"

I shook my head, trying not to feel guilty. "Nothing," I answered simply.

"Well, what does _she_ have?!" she cried at me, not bothering to wipe at the tears blurring her glasses. "Whatever it is, I can be better! I can be prettier, thinner, and love you more than she could! What does she have that I don't, Sasuke-kun?!"

I flinched, a stream of curses flying through my head. So she remembered the pillow incident after all. What was I supposed to do now?!

"It is no business of yours," I shot back off the top of my head, and turned to collect my clothes. There was no getting rid of her now, I supposed, so I might as well give up and go-

"Ah!" I gasped as something sharp pierced my bare back. My hand scrabbled around my spine before yanking out the object, which turned out to be…

A senbon needle. With a dark purple liquid dripping from the end.

My gaze turned from the needle to Karin, and I saw her hand outstretched, her fingers relaxed. _She'd_ thrown it. But how…why…

I coughed, then a sharp pain jabbed me right in the guts. I doubled over, clutching my stomach, and lost my balance before crashing to the ground. I couldn't stop coughing as my throat seemed to close up, my lungs screaming for air as a penetrating chill spread through me from the spot the needle had pierced.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun," she said, gazing unhappily down at me. "I know it hurts, but at least you won't lose consciousness. But I promise, this is all for your own good. See, I don't think you're doing a very good job of taking care of your body…You train too hard, and you don't allow yourself time for the fun things…like having a girlfriend."

_Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, she's going to, she's going to-_

"But don't worry," she said with a genuine smile, producing a length of rope out of thin air. "I know someone who will take much better care of your body than you will. And he promised I could have you all to myself, all night, every night. How could I say no?"

At this point, I could barely breathe, let alone move. I couldn't even feel it as she began tying the rope around my wrists and ankles, before producing a gag and blindfold.

"Hee-hee," she giggled while tying them over my face, "This is fun! But I'll have to wait to do it to you for real, Sasuke-kun. This is just so you don't try escaping before Orochimaru-sama 'evicts' you."

"T-…" I forced myself to mumble through the cloth in my mouth, "Traitor…"

"Oh Sasuke-kun, don't use such a mean word. Call me your savior. Because I'm saving you from yourself, see?"

I was now blinded, but I heard the unmistakable sound of a scroll unrolling.

"Teleportation technique!"

* * *

_"Sasuke-kun…"_

_He turned his head this way and that, but couldn't find the source of the voice._

_"Sasuke-kun…help me…"_

_"Sakura?" he called, recognizing the voice. "Where are you?"_

_"Sasuke-kun!"_

_This time, he spun around to hear the voice behind him, and gaped._

_Before him was an enormous slab of stone shaped like a sacrificial altar. Tied to it was Sakura in his clothes, tears streaming down her face as she cried his name._

_"Sakura!" he gasped, forgetting all the time spent hating everyone in the Leaf village as a missing-nin and the fact that he, respectively, wore her clothes as well._

_"Sasuke-kun, help!" she whimpered, struggling against her bonds. Upon closer inspection, it was snakes instead of ropes trying her down. These he flung kunai at as he approached the altar, neatly slicing off their heads. But to his surprise, it wasn't only a few snakes, but hundreds, all coiling around the slab and its prisoner._

_"Sasuke-kun!" she cried as a shiny, black serpent wrapped itself around her throat. "Ahhhh!"_

_"Sak-!" he called, in the act of taking a step forward before feeling his feet tug back. His glance downward told him thick shackles had wrapped around his ankles, the chains attached fixing him securely to the floor._

_Another terrified scream jerked his attention back to the altar, where to his horror, the stone and snakes and Sakura had begun sinking into the floor, the liquid stone already up to her waist._

_"Sakura!" he called, desperately pulling at his trapped feet as she screamed his name. In mere seconds, the liquid stone closed over her head, and only a disappearing ripple showed where she had once been._

_"Sakura!" he hollered at the spot, "No! Sakura-a-a-!"_

"Aaaaaah!" Sasuke woke with a start and panicked, feeling hands shaking him by the shoulders, until a familiar voice spoke out of the darkness before his eyes.

"Good, you're awake," Naruto's voice breathed, his face slowly coming into view as Sasuke's eyes adjusted to the lack of light. "You were freaking out there, dattebayo. Having a nightmare? I can get you some warm milk if you want, it'll help calm-"

"Naruto," he interrupted, trying to sit up before remembering the restraint table, "This is going to sound absolutely crazy, but I need a favor."

"You want chocolate milk?"

"No, you idiot! I need you to let me out of here."

Naruto sighed. "I'm sorry, teme. I want to, I really do, but-"

"No, dobe! Listen! I think…I think Sakura's in trouble."

"Wha…?"

"Don't give me that, I know it's stupid! But…" he paused, breathing in, "In my dream…she was taken prisoner. I swear, I'm not just saying this to escape, I really think something's happened to her."

Naruto was silent, his fingers rubbing his temples. "All right, let me get this straight, dattebayo…First you can't stand the thought of Sakura-chan…then you leave...then we bring you back in her place…and now all of a sudden, you think, and care, that she's a prisoner? Admit it teme, that's some messed up logic."

"Dobe!" he seethed, grateful the blond couldn't see his face heating up. "It's nothing like that, I just want my body back! If anything happens to it while she's in it, who knows what might happen to _me_ once I try to return to it?"

"…Teme…" Naruto said quietly, "You _do_ still care about her. Admit it. You never _did_ break that bond like you said you did. You never broke mine, either. And you care that she might be in trouble."

The Uchiha was quiet, deep in thought.

"And I trust you, teme, because you're my best friend. But I can't let you off this thing just like that…"

"Dobe!"

"…Until you promise me one thing."

"What is it? Tell me! Anything!"

Naruto gave a small smile. "You gotta promise you'll tell her, dattebayo. That you still care. I don't know if it's before or after you two are re-switched, but you go up to her and you tell her you're sorry for being a teme and you're still her friend."

Again there was silence, until…

"…All right, dobe," the Uchiha conceded. "Deal. Now let me off."

"With pleasure, teme."

* * *

-

OMGUPDATES. And cliffs. How I torture you all so :3


	8. Endeavor

**The Great Escape**

**Chapter Eight: Endeavor**

* * *

I don't know how long I was there, curled up on that cold, damp floor. I'd been left there for what could easily be hours, or even a whole day. Every second my pounding heart sent blood pulsing through my ears, even as my still-bare skin absorbed the bitter chill of the concrete floor.

I was still blind, still gagged and tied, only now I had a thick ring around my throat that chained me to the wall. It was obvious I was in some kind of cell, probably of an underground dungeon. But I heard nothing other than my own breaths and heartbeat. No rats or insects scurried around, no other prisoners' breathing echoed as mine did, and no soft hum of machinery reverberated. The air was dank, and full of silence.

How could I have not seen it? Then again, she had fooled Sasuke-kun as well. But how? Oh, it didn't even matter now. As far as I knew, they were preparing for me to be taken over as I thought these thoughts. It'd be painful, I knew it would. Forget optimism, I now wallowed in the pits of despair.

And above the sense of impending doom, there was overwhelming guilt. I'd failed. I'd failed the village, the mission, and I'd failed Sasuke-kun. I'd failed the man I held in highest regard, and now I'd lost his body to a corpse of a Sannin. What kind of shinobi was I? What kind of _friend_ was I?

I sniffled a little, feeling a few tears soak into the fabric of my blindfold. I didn't care that it wasn't Sasuke-like. I'd lost his most precious possession, after promising myself I'd let no harm come to him. I was scum. Lower than scum, according to Kakashi. I'd failed to protect my comrade. I was trash.

_Shut up_, I muttered mentally to my stomach as it growled its emptiness. The absolute _last_ thing I needed now was to be thinking of food. Of feeding myself. Of letting my empty tummy feel full, something Sasuke-kun could never do again in his rightful body.

I twitched in surprise to hear, somewhere off in the distance, the sound of a door unlocking, opening with a tinny squeak, and re-locking again, before the sound of soft, light footsteps slowly came closer…

Another door unlocked, but I flinched, as the sound was only a foot or so in front of and above me. Another door creaked open, and light spilled into my prison. I could tell, as the beam managed to penetrate my blindfold in little pinpricks of stinging light. As a shadow passed over me I cringed, expecting a blow but feeling no pain. Only a warm, human hand, gently patting my hair before reaching to fumble with the knot of my gag.

My heart fluttered as the cloth fell away and I spat, trying in vain to get the sour taste out of my mouth as the chains of my neck-ring clinked noisily. Then the hand was there again, pressing something like cool glass to my lips until I could reach the water it held. I gulped thirstily, all without questioning the identity of my benefactor, until-

"There's a good boy," a horridly familiar voice cooed. "Drink up…"

I choked, spewing out the contents of my mouth before hissing, "You!" in a hoarse, raspy voice. Almost instantly, I lost control of myself, and her hands were the only thing supporting me as my energy vanished and my head lolled in a powerless stupor. She'd drugged the water, cutting off my strength and chakra. I should've known…

"There, there, Sasuke-kun," Karin's voice whispered in my ear, "It was only a relaxant…Otherwise you might do something naughty while I feed you. I have some warm rice for you, sweetie. Orochimaru-sama is letting me look after you now, and I promise I'll do a good job…"

My insides churned with revulsion, but the drug sapped every ounce of defiance in me. I could only lie, unmoving as a rag doll, while her hands coaxed my mouth open and placed a lump of steamed rice on my tongue.

"Now be a good boy and swallow."

I could neither comply nor refuse as she tilted my chin up, sliding the food to the back of my throat. I choked, coughing violently, but it managed to slip down without killing me.

"Isn't this nice, Sasuke-kun? They were going to put you to sleep and give you a drip for food, but now you have me to feed you."

I wished I could've told her I'd have preferred the drip and coma. All I was thankful for was that she hadn't removed the blindfold, meaning I didn't have to look at her ugly face.

"Such a good boy," she cooed once the "feeding" halted. "I like you so much more when you behave, Sasuke-kun. You're so…obedient…"

I tasted vomit in my mouth as her dirty little paws combed their way through my hair, then slid down to rub her thumbs over the spot where I knew from memory Sasuke-kun's old curse mark had been.

"He'll give you another present," she murmured absentmindedly, "Only it'll be a special one…the one he only uses for his vessels. It'll make you perfect for him to occupy. But I'm not supposed to tell, so this'll be our little secret, hmm?"

The mere thought of something of Orochimaru's messing with Sasuke-kun again set a boiling rage aflame within me. Forget despairing over letting myself get caught. There was _no_ way I would let him be defiled again by some filthy curse of that snake!

"You'll be able to move again in a little while," Karin informed me as she tied the gag back into my mouth, "But then I'll be back to give you dinner."

_Dinner_, she said. That meant this was probably my midday meal. Meaning…I'd been locked up for over twenty-four hours. My thoughts flicked for a moment to Juugo and Suigetsu. What could they do now, having lost their leader and another member? Hopefully Suigetsu wouldn't think Karin had…

_Only, she really had drugged me, tied me up, and run off with me._

"I'll see you soon, Sasuke-kun," her voice promised, bringing me back to earth. "Bye-bye, behave while I'm gone!"

Had I still retained control of my mouth, I'd have spat at the door as it clicked shut, the muffled, metallic sound outside telling me I was again locked in.

I couldn't let myself be beaten now. Even if it meant risking everything, I needed a way out of here. If Orochimaru got hold of Sasuke-kun's body, he'd live another seventy or so years, destroying the village in the process. And if I was caught trying to get out, they might put me under even more restraint, meaning I could _never_ go back to my own body…

I managed to wince at the thought. Sasuke-kun's body was like a luxurious mansion to live in compared to my own being more like a shabby apartment, but I couldn't stay this way forever. It wasn't right, living as someone else. And I missed my own form, with my good old pink hair and super-strength. However good I was at playing an angsty boy, on the inside I was still a feminine, girlish, _girl_.

First, I had to work on getting myself untied. My hands were behind my back, but bent so that my palms faced outwards to prevent my wriggling them free. My ankles and knees were also secured, and my neck-ring still chained me to the wall. The blindfold and gag I could deal with afterwards.

First rule in escaping tie-ups: gain enough slack that removing body parts is possible. I gritted my teeth, braced myself, and began twisting my wrists in an attempt to loosen the rope. Normally I'd have burst them using chakra, but with the water's drug still lingering, only the smallest of movements were possible.

"Ahhh," I allowed myself to groan, acutely feeling the ropes cut into my skin as I rubbed against them. One of my hands was already bleeding, stinging harshly under the ropes' bite. But I had to keep going. I remembered my old training sessions with Tsunade-shishou…Endure the pain, Sakura. You can do it…

_Come on, you worthless bag of flesh! Put your back into it! Run faster! Kick harder! Let's see some HUSTLE!_

I grimaced, more because of the rather unpleasant memories of my training than the pain in my wrists. Now both of them were bleeding, the skin of my right one almost rubbed off while the other blistered agonizingly. I promised myself, the moment I got my healing jutsu back, I'd fix up the wounds I was making on Sasuke-kun's hands…

But wait! I felt one of the rope coils, slick with blood, begin to give way under my constant tugging. I scratched at the knot with my fingernails as I pulled, still wrenching my aching wrists back and forth until-

The ring of rope slipped right over my knuckle. Allowing a triumphant smirk, I exploited this weakness until, gingerly because of the throbbing twinges, I pulled my right hand free of the ropes.

"Oww," I whimpered under my breath, forcing my sore fingers to reach up and tug off my gag and blindfold. I blinked several times, hating the minute it took for my vision to adjust, before being able to make out the dark, flat stone of my prison cell.

I took a glance at my freed wrist, and winced. I'd rubbed most of the skin completely off, and the flesh underneath was still raw and bleeding. Unable to use my healing jutsu, I only sent a weakened stream of chakra to the wound, hoping it would encourage the cells to heal more quickly before I freed my other, equally aching hand from the ropes and used them both to untie my feet.

I stood up too eagerly, and promptly bashed my head on the lower-than-expected ceiling. I crumpled back down to the floor, whimpering and clutching the lump appearing on my scalp. I was _really_ out of it, and all because of that stupid drinking drug…Fortunately it was still wearing off at a steady rate, as I could now control more chakra and move without much difficulty.

Careful of the ceiling this time, I stretched out my trembling hands and felt the walls of my cell. It seemed to be the size of the average shower stall, with a ceiling I had to hunch my shoulders to avoid hitting. I found the door easily enough, but could only bang on it in frustration when I learned there was no doorknob or lock to pick. This I regretted immediately, and quickly sat back down, cradling my aching hands.

_What can I do? There's probably alarms all over the outside, too…I might even be tripping one now, and they'll come tie me up again…_

Now all I had to deal with was the metal collar around my neck. The chain was mercilessly short, but the links were small. My sore fingertips soon found a weak, thin spot in one of them, and I managed to snap it open with what little strength I had. The ring itself remained around my throat, but I could get that off later.

Now for the door. Due to the lack of opening mechanisms, I wished sorely for my strength back in order to simply blast it open and make a run for it. Things being as they were, I had tenderized hands and a drug-diminished supply of chakra to work with. My only hope was somehow getting it open by itself.

I squinted in the lightlessness of my cell, straining to find some sort of object I could use. Nothing but the busted chains of my neck-ring remained in the prison itself. Wincing with every motion, I lifted my arms and delicately felt around the edges of the door frame. No luck. The door was so sealed into its resting place, I couldn't even slip a fingernail between the cracks.

_But…if the door is airtight…How am I breathing?_

My brain sparked into motion. There had to be some sort of ventilation system in here. They didn't want me suffocating beforehand, so there _had_ to be some air tube I could exploit for my own gains. This time, crouched on bent knees, I sent my wandering fingertips along the edges of the low ceiling, poking into every corner until-

_Got it!_ I thought triumphantly, managing to find the plastered-over edge of a vent grille. After picking at it for a minute or so, a chunk of ceiling plaster cracked, and crumbled away from above me. I coughed, then grinned to feel the chain-link metal of the grille was rather thin, easy to snap with enough force. But in case I had to use the same escape again, I couldn't let them know how I'd gotten out. Unscrewing the bolts that held the grille in place, and then replacing them, should do the trick.

My sore, abused hands protested as I scrabbled for the bolts, but I couldn't give up. Soon enough, and after nearly shredding my right index fingernail by using it as a screwdriver, I managed to pull one of them loose. It jingled in its little niche as I carefully grasped the head, and drew it out. Without its support, a large section of the metal had already begun to sag downwards, unable to remain fastened to the ceiling. With a smug smirk at my outsmarting this dungeon cell, I resumed my squat to remove the other bolts.

A small, concentrated gust of air suddenly burst from the bolt hole I'd just cleared with a soft _pshhhhhh_ noise. Instinctively, I gasped, and smelled the familiar, sickly-sweet, chemical-laden scent of premium knockout gas. They'd bugged the vent.

For the second time since my capture, everything went fuzzy and sluggish as I groaned, the energy to keep standing vanishing until I lay slumped on the floor once again. My only thanks was that, ever so slowly, the ache in my poor hands was diminishing with every passing second.

My sleepy eyes were closing as consciousness faded, but before the complete blackout, I could've sword I heard footsteps and the sound of a metal padlock clicking open…Then all I saw was a pair of feet…Boys' feet, not girl's feet. But they seemed so familiar…

My eyelids closed, and I descended into the fog of drugged slumber once again.

* * *

-

Oh gee, 2 chapters in one month. Where _do_ I get it?

Next chapter will feature our boys to the rescue.


	9. Knights In Shining Armor

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter Nine: Knights in Shining Armor**

* * *

"Bye, guys!" Naruto called, waving to the prison guards before yawning loudly. "Geez, is it that late, dattebayo? Oh, well. See you tomorrow!"

The guards nodded curtly, keeping their eyes on the boy until he vanished around a corner of the gravelly path that led to the prison's entrance. Neither of them really trusted that kid. As good a shinobi as he was, he already had two strikes against him. First off, he was a container for that _thing_. And second, he seemed to value his friendship with the traitor they were guarding over his obligations to the village.

"Go check on him," one guard said to the other. The second nodded, understanding instinctively which prisoner his partner was referring to. Several hallways, passwords, and double-locks later, he opened the thick, metal door of the Uchiha's cell. At first glance, nothing seemed wrong. The girl…er, _boy_…was asleep, strapped tightly onto the restraint table, as per orders. The door leading to the cell's bathroom was ajar, and not wanting to invite any protocol breaches, the guard sighed and went to close it.

The door clicked shut, and a soft noise came from the prisoner.

"Who's there?" demanded the high, female voice, as the restraints prevented any movements of the head to turn and see who caused the sound.

"Go back to sleep," he muttered, knowing the prisoner recognized the voices of most of the guards. "Your friend already left."

There was silence, during which the guard gave the girl/boy a quick check from where he stood. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, and it certainly didn't hurt that, despite the murderous, traitor intent inside, the form was still that of a cute teenage girl.

"Guard…"

"What is it?"

There was silence, before the prisoner murmured with obvious discomfort, "…Let me off."

"No, your friend left and I'm not authorized" he answered gruffly.

"But…" another hesitate, "I have to get off."

"What for?"

"Look, you piece of _crap_," the girlish tone suddenly turned acidic, "If this table gets covered in urine, I'll make sure it's _you_ who cleans it up."

Sighing, he conceded, "All right, but make it quick."

The girl…_boy_…nodded, and stayed perfectly still while the guard fiddled with the metal locks of the table's straps. Careful to leave the arms and legs for last, he stepped back and allowed the teen to sit up, stretching and cracking bones, before the kid slipped off the table and bolted to the toilet. Soon enough, tinkling sounds were heard from behind the closed door, and the guard exhaled, having been in one too many situations where a bathroom escape was attempted.

Good thing for all those seals and locks, he thought, or else they'd have dangerous criminals running all over the place. The research department always spared no expenses to create the most impenetrable, unbreakable cells known to man. Though they weren't perfect, it hadn't been for nothing that most of Konoha's criminals stayed firmly behind bars.

"Hey in there!" the guard ordered sternly, rapping on the bathroom door after a minute of silence. "No tricks, I said! Come out."

"G-gimme a sec!"

Without hesitation, the guard pulled out a needle laced with sedative and smashed in the door with his other hand. The voice that had replied hadn't been that of the prisoner. And sure enough, as soon as the thin door crumbled, there stood a copy of that stupid blonde kid. It squeaked as the needle he'd thrown pierced it, and vanished in a poof of smoke.

_A disguised shadow clone!_

"This is Osamu!" the guard shouted into his headpiece, "Come in, control! Code red! Prisoner one-three-four-four, Uchiha Sasuke, has escaped. Backup search needed, repeat, backup search needed!"

The prison dissolved into a chaos of flashing lights, blaring alarms, and dispatched squads of shinobi, but by now the two they were searching for were already halfway to the border.

* * *

"Hoo…" Naruto panted, halting his continuous jumps through the enormous trees surrounding Konoha's border through unlit darkness, as the overhead leaves blocked out any traces of moon or starlight. "Hah…Hah…All right, teme…Get out here, dattebayo."

A small squeak emanated from his pocket, and out crawled a tiny brown mouse. This quickly sped down his leg and onto the branch he stood on, before vanishing in a cloud of smoke, to reveal a very disgruntled Sasuke, still in Sakura's form.

"Admit it teme, I'm a genius," Naruto laughed hoarsely, still panting from having sprinted those last few miles through unlit foliage.

"Hn," grunted Sasuke, though it sounded unusual for Sakura's high voice. Like he'd ever admit the dobe coming up with a plan that made use of Sakura's superior genjutsu skills was _clever_.

"So…where were we going again, dattebayo?"

Sasuke shot him an annoyed glare, half of it his being upset that having spent so much time on the restraint table, Sakura's limbs had grown unsteady. "The old Sound village."

"And…why was that?"

The Uchiha only glared in response, not wanting to have to repeat that the sole reason they were doing something illegal was because of a silly, yet convincing dream of his.

"Just shut up and tell me which way we're going," he snapped, enjoying the feel of power rushing into his clenched fists. Lack of Sharingan or no, Sakura's body certainly made up for his own in the illusions and strength departments. But he'd die before ever telling her that.

"Fine, fine, teme," Naruto rolled his eyes, pulling out a crinkled old map and turning it around in his hands a few times before deciding which was correct to hold it. "Lessee…If we're over here, then the border is over there…Then we just keep heading north from here, dattebayo…"

"Right. Let's go."

The blond nodded, and followed suite as his partner in crime leapt off into the trees before them, aided only by the _swoosh_ of wind and nighttime sounds of the forest to keep from crashing into any trees.

_Clunk_.

"Oww! Teme, wait up, dattebayo!"

Sasuke only rolled his eyes and continued on.

* * *

"Geez…this place is a wreck, dattebayo."

Sasuke nodded his silent assent, as the two now stood before the ruined remains of the old Sound village. The main compound was still underground, but the sparse scattering of shelter buildings and small structures had obviously been abandoned for some time. Roofs had collapsed, ivy and mold had taken over walls, and everywhere, small animals and insects could be sensed, marking the longtime absence of humans.

"There's the old entrance," Naruto observed, his gaze on the pile of rocks he and the team had used as a sneak-in doorway. The hole Yamato had made all that time ago remained, only now covered over with gauzy spiderwebs.

"They're here…" Sasuke mumbled, his eyes picking up numerous minuscule clues that people had been through this area. "Down in the ground…They've retaken the old base."

"Well then," Naruto said cheerily, "We'll have no problems, 'cuz you know your way around, and I remember where they hid most of the booby traps, dattebayo!"

"It won't be the same, dobe. They'll have installed newer traps, maybe even built new tunnels. No doubt they'll have taken precautions against intruders."

"Yeah…" The blond scratched his head in thought. "Then what do we do, dattebayo?"

Sasuke's head swiveled as he squinted in the post-midnight moonlight. This old entrance had no doubt been discovered, but then again, who would think they'd use it again? But then again, they probably thought they'd think that way and…Oh, forget it.

"There's another way in," he murmured, eyes glancing to another spot. "It leads down a different sector. The halls you found were the residential area…"

Naruto's eyes lit up. "Then, we can-"

"…And the torture chambers."

The blond immediately went silent, the blood draining from his face.

"But then, if they've got Sakura…" Sasuke turned back to the web-covered hole. "Then they'd use one of the old, bugged-up cells to keep her in. Those contained all measures to keep the occupant helpless."

"Then we've gotta save her, dattebayo!" Naruto exclaimed. "We can't just-Mff!"

"Shh," Sasuke hissed, one hand clamped over Naruto's mouth. "If they _catch_ us, we're done for and we'll _never_ get her out."

The wide-eyed boy nodded, and Sasuke removed his hand before quickly wiping it on a nearby tree trunk, wincing in disgust.

"We'll try entering the other way," he muttered, "Then split up and check each prison. We'll cover more ground that way."

"Whatever you say, teme."

The two silently sped off over to the second hidden entrance, Naruto following Sasuke's lead. Strangely, the boy-as-a-girl made several mistakes, and was forced to backtrack a few times from whichever path they had taken. The fact that this entrance of his was somewhere in another depression in the ground filled with identical rocks didn't help either.

"Shut up," he muttered, noticing Naruto's look of confusion. "I used my Sharingan to find the way in last time."

The blond boy shut his mouth, his question already answered. After a few more tries, the Uchiha sighed in relief, grabbing a handful of a fern growing on a random-seeming rock with a, "Here we go…" and giving it a sharp tug.

Naruto only gaped as an entire section of a nearby boulder collapsed inward, the cloud of gritty dust soon clearing to reveal an unlit tunnel.

"Wow, dattebayo," Naruto breathed. "I'm impressed, teme. How did you know which one this time?"

A small, hidden slip of paper was pointed out to be stuck to part of the fern Sasuke had yanked, painted the same color as the dark green leaves.

"There's a little of my chakra infused there," he explained. "I could see it…and know which one it was. C'mon."

Naruto nodded, telling himself to shake off the shivers he got as he followed his old teammate through the entrance, and into the damp, light-less tunnel. It was hard to keep from continuously glancing over his shoulder, gulping in uneasiness as the little circle of light from the outside grew smaller and smaller…and after a twisting turn, vanished altogether.

"Teme," he whispered to the shuffling darkness in front of him, "Can't we have a light here, dattebayo?"

"Shut up." The tone in Sakura's voice was familiar, short-tempered and snappy. "We're almost there."

"Okay, but—Oof!" Naruto exclaimed, accidentally walking right into a warm, moving mass standing in front of him. His instinctive panic calmed itself only when he recognized his female teammate's voice carrying Sasuke's words shushing him.

"Quiet!" the Uchiha hissed tensely. "I'm going to get this door open."

"Got it," Naruto answered, smiling through the darkness. The words reminded him of their Genin days, all the infiltration missions he and Sasuke had performed together. They had hardly ever needed directions from each other, always able to tell who was going to do what. Like right now, he could tell his role was to slip in the moment the door opened, and be able to check for any silent alarms or tripped wires once it closed again.

_Heh…just like the good ol' days, eh, teme?_

Another second, and light spilled into the blackness of the tunnel, but the two shinobi were already through. A quick swivel of the head, and Naruto realized there were, in fact, no alarms of any sort around the edges of the wall panel they'd just slid out of.

"They didn't expect us there, dattebayo," he observed smugly as Sasuke shoved the panel door back into place. After it re-rotated back to its resting position, the hidden escape became all but invisible, camouflaged into the surrounding walls. "But where…are we?"

"…The army barracks," Sasuke muttered after a check of the deserted underground hallway they were standing in. "But since the Sound army was scattered after the abandonment, it's deserted."

Naruto winced, remembering the sheer numbers of ninja that had attacked the village during the Chunin Exams all those years ago…

"The cells should be that way," Sasuke told him, breaking that line of thought. "But it's more likely to be covered in traps. Watch your step."

A nod, and the sound of footsteps, muffled by layers of dust coating the floor, echoed emptily as the pair raced down a series of eerily empty hallways, Sasuke leading. Naruto felt as if he might have recognized some of the places from their impromptu "invasion," but they were gone in a flash as another corner was skidded around, and the quiet running continued.

"Here?" Naruto asked between paced breaths.

"Not yet…There!" The two skidded to a halt, Sasuke pointing out another hall that diverged from a dead end. "That's the cell wing."

Naruto nodded, not sensing any immediate traps or chakra signatures. "Sakura-chan's in one of those, huh? So we'll check 'em all, dattebayo."

Without prompting, each took a side of the hall, and began turning knobs and opening one creaky, dust-covered door after another. All were dark inside, and some smelled of mold while others contained the faint, scuttling noises of cockroaches and other invading vermin. Chains lay unused on the stony floors, and some even contained roped-up skeletons. But every single one was devoid of recent human presence.

"Sasuke-teme!" Naruto exclaimed, having reached the end of all his designated doorways. "They're empty, dattebayo!"

"One more," he replied, pulling shut his final room and striding to the dead end of the cell. Naruto watched interestedly as the Uchiha crouched down and smacked a hand against one of the square floor tiles, pushing at it until it shifted, squeaked, and flipped up on a hinge to reveal a metal handle. This was grabbed and pulled, and an entire, circular section of the floor lifted away to reveal a tiny set of stairs leading down in a spiraling pattern. As opposed to the darkness of the tunnel they'd used before, there were lighted torches placed in the holders here, casting an orange glow onto the steps below. That meant somebody had been there recently.

"The Hibernation cell," Sasuke muttered. "Where the most dangerous defectors stayed until they died…The only one more secured than this was in the northern base…where they kept the subjects for the curse-mark experiments."

Naruto nodded, shivering as he followed Sasuke down the tiny, torch-lighted staircase. The musty air grew colder the farther down they went, and Naruto soon found himself shivering and likening the damper air to a castle dungeon…If it wasn't a more horrific version of one already.

And finally, the stairs abruptly ended with an enormous iron door. This, unlike the rest of the base, was fresh and new, without a hint of rust and sporting a large series of locks running down the left side.

"Argh!" Naruto muttered in frustration. "We don't have any keys, dattebayo!"

"It's not having the right key," Sasuke told him, squinting at the locks, "It's finding which one won't trap and kill you."

"Ohhh." Naruto joined him in examining the myriad locks, though he had no idea what to be looking for.

Both flinched when, with no movement from either of them, one of the locks clicked open by itself. A moment of silence went by, and then-

_Crash!_

The door burst open from the inside, causing Naruto and Sasuke to jump back, instinctively drawing their concealed weapons until both realized the cell's occupants were just standing there. Naruto only stared at the giant sword one of them was pointing at them, before realizing his teammate gaped at the two as if he recognized them.

"Stay back!" the one holding the sword ordered angrily. "Take us to the Uchiha, or I'll chop you up in little bits!"

"Whoa," Naruto tried telling him, "Calm down, dattebayo. We're not with the kidnappers. We're here to find Sak—I mean, Sasuke—too!"

The silver-haired guy with the sword looked unconvinced. "Whaddya think, Juugo?" he asked the tall guy next to him.

"Suigetsu!" Sasuke said, before remembering whose body he was in. "I mean…that's your name, right?"

The sword guy grinned with his pointed teeth. "That's right, honey. Good thing a nice little lady like yourself has heard of me, babe."

Sasuke fumed while Naruto attempted diplomacy. "You guys are here looking for Sak-, er, Sasuke too, right? We thought she, um, _he_ was down here."

Both shook their heads. "Nah, this cell's empty. But we're his team, so who are _you_ guys?"

The two glanced at each other. "Friends," Naruto said, "Really, we are. But how'd you all find this place anyway?"

"See this big guy here?" the sword guy pointed to his companion, "He gets animals to tell him what's going on and all that. Followed a trail here, 'cuz this annoying chick in the team ran off with him, so we thought hey, why not get him out before she-"

"First Sound ninjas, now this!" Sasuke growled, gritting his teeth. "That accursed Karin…"

"Yeah, baby, how'd you know about her? You Leaf nins got data on all of us?"

A withering glare silenced the attempted sweet-talk, but Naruto's mind was racing.

"But wait, I thought it was just Kabuto that was doing this, dattebayo! You're saying he has friends helping him too?!"

He turned to see his teammate's face drained of all color.

"Wait…Kabuto's here?" he demanded, looking absolutely shocked.

"Well…he's the only one who would use the base, dattebayo."

The whisper of his teammate's lips sent a chilling shiver down Naruto's spine.

"Then they can only be…in the reincarnation chamber."

Naruto understood what he meant all too well.

* * *

Oh joy, the 2 groups meet. Almost 3,000 words in this one, appreciate it!


	10. Monsters of the Id

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter Ten: Monsters of the Id**

**

* * *

**

Everything was fine now. None of this, my switch or capture, none of it had really happened. I was still me, still in my own body, and awakening from the strangest dream I'd had in some time.

I stayed still under my covers, the will to leave my toasty nest of blankets all but nonexistent. Though I knew from habit my alarm would go off in a minute or so and I'd yawn, stretching, and reluctantly fling back my sheets before forcing myself up. Then I'd shower and get dressed and have breakfast and brush my teeth…Then head off to go find Naruto and Sai and Yamato-taichou and go do whatever the day's mission happened to be…

"…Wakey wakey…" a voice whispered as a set of fingers stroked my cheek. "Time to get up, Sasuke-kun…"

My eyes snapped open, and my sleepy illusion shattered. _Her_ face loomed over me, giving me that hungry-looking grin as my vision darted back and forth, trying to figure out where I was.

It all came crashing back. I exhaled a shaky breath, my heart still pounding as I realized I was still unable to move, and helplessly under Karin's control. Only, they'd moved me from my cell after I'd stupidly allowed myself to be knocked out again. Wherever I was had a high, circular ceiling overhead, partially blocked from my view by that uneven mass of red hair.

"Feeling better, Sasuke-kun?" she asked sickeningly sweetly. "You should know better than to bang yourself up like that. You're lucky Orochimaru-sama had you fixed up."

As she spoke, she lifted one of my arms by the wrist so that I could see it clearly. No evidence remained of the damage I'd done to my hands, as the pale skin was perfectly smooth and unblemished once more.

"Now be a good boy and lie still," she told me, placing my hand back at my side. "We had to wait for you to wake up so you can be evicted, but I asked for this nice little bed for you…Do you like it?"

Her hands reached under and lifted my head so I could see, and I blinked in surprise to find myself covered with the soft, fluffy blankets I'd mistaken for my own. For this, at least, I was grateful, as I was still only wearing the pants I'd been washing my clothes in back at the river when she…

My train of thought trailed off as my eyes remained glued to my chest. Peeking out from under the edge of one of the sheets, I clearly saw the edge of a chakra-infused paper seal affixed to my sternum. So _that_ was how I was being kept still. They didn't want me full of sedatives when I was…_evicted_.

That thought set my stomach churning as Karin's hands gently lowered my head back onto my pillow. Under the disgust and shock and everything else, I was panicking. I thought I'd have been able to escape, but that hadn't worked. None of the team had the faintest idea where I was, cutting off all hope of rescue. And Karin? No offer I could make her would outweigh Orochimaru's promise of my body as a plaything.

I closed my eyes, hoping she hadn't caught the beginning of tears forming in them. This time, I was really sunk. And Naruto was still waiting back home for me, keeping Sasuke-kun taken care of in my own body. He'd be waiting forever…Or at least until Orochimaru in Sasuke-kun's body invaded again. Due to my own incompetence of course, I thought while biting my bottom lip to hold back a despairing whimper.

"Do not fret, Sasuke-kun."

The new, chilling voice had my eyes open again, wide and unblinking as its source entered my field of vision. I shivered unconsciously at the sight of that cold, dead-looking white skin, looking like something that should have died and been left in its coffin rather than brought back to life. All traces of his host body were gone now, and I knew this was a hundred percent of him I was dealing with.

"Orochimaru-sama," Karin acknowledged with a bow, stepping back so he could stand over me in her place, gazing at me with those yellow eyes.

"You were lucky," he told me slowly. "Last time I was unprepared…I so would have liked you in a poetic way, and my chance has come. Karin," he said, and as if signaled, she drew back the sheets covering me until I lay exposed to the chilly chamber air. A plague of goosebumps immediately erupted on my bared skin, but this went unnoticed.

"It won't hurt," he murmured smugly, leaning down to my face and placing a clammy hand under my chin. "Now just relax…"

My body disobeyed my commands to struggle, fight, _anything_ as those white fingers tilted my face upwards. My eyes were clamped shut, but a pinch to a sensitive spot on my throat had them open again as I gasped in pain. This allowed me to see Karin hand him a syringe, the oily liquid inside sloshing as it was readied…

The tip pressed itself into my neck, almost exactly where I knew Sasuke-kun's curse mark had been.

"If you're curious," that creepy voice purred, enjoying my nausea, "It's another compound…another version of my last gift to you. Only this time, it requires no release state to achieve maximum…perfection."

My gaze became trapped in those slitted, yellow eyes as his freakish tongue flicked out before he spoke again.

"I was planning on using it after I'd made use of you last time, but…you were pushy, Sasuke-kun. Now, I've found it helps sedate my possessions whilst I expel them…"

The fact that he referred to Sasuke-kun's body as "his possession" infuriated me, but I could only lie there, wincing as the needle tip pierced further into my clavicle muscles.

"Oh, and…" His tone was triumphant. "There is no cure. Enjoy your present, Sasuke-kun."

My eyes went wide as his thumb drove the syringe base down, and the oily stuff inside flooded the needle. I clenched my eyes shut, bracing against the pain I knew would come from having watched Sasuke-kun battle his own mark's agonizing side-effects…

But all I felt was a deep, natural-feeling drowsiness come over me, clouding my panicked thoughts and slowing my racing heart to a gentle, rhythmic thumping. My eyelids struggled to open themselves, and my vision filled with eyes. Yellow, reptilian, serpentine eyes. These held my gaze until I hazily felt myself falling…falling without hope of safety, surrounded by white faces and purple tongues…

My eyes rolled back in my head, and I was out.

* * *

"Teme!" Naruto panted, racing after his sprinting teammate, "Which way?"

The Uchiha nodded left, ignoring Suigetsu and Juugo's looks of confusion at the offensive nickname. All four of them ran, the multiple feet sending billowing clouds of dust flying behind them as they rounded another corner.

"You sure this Kabuto guy brought him back to life?" Suigetsu directed at Naruto, his oversized sword swishing from its place on his back. "Last I heard, the guy tried taking over, but Sasuke reversed it and got his powers. How'd all this happen?"

"Dunno, dattebayo!" the blond admitted, his breaths strained as the leading Uchiha had them dashing down another deserted hallway. "But we have to stop him!"

"There!" Sasuke indicated a single doorway at the end of a final hall. The group skidded to a stop behind him, panting and glancing about expectantly as he squinted at the walls.

"Traps," he muttered, turning to the rest of them. "They're all over."

"I'm on it, dattebayo!" Naruto announced, summoning a posse of clones with a few quick hand motions. These then charged blindly into the hall before them, and one by one vanished in smoke as weapons flew, trapdoors opened, and the protective mechanisms did their duty.

Suigetsu and Juugo's gazes turned to Sasuke, whose eyes kept track of where each lethal object had sprung from. The two watched as he produced a handful of knives and flung them with deadly accuracy. The blades pierced the source of the machines, breaking some and jamming the paths of others as they tried to release their weapons and poison gas. Naruto did the same, only he threw marked wads of colored goop at the floor, marking which spots would trigger the trapdoors if stepped on.

The whole operation was over before the two could even think to gasp at the Leaf nins' efficiency.

"Whoa," Suigetsu breathed, still dazed at the twos' performance. "Nice…"

"Come on, dattebayo!" Naruto called, as he and Sasuke were already halfway to the door, striding right past the disabled death traps. The other two glanced at each other once, before hurrying after them.

* * *

_I was scared. I knew I couldn't possibly be dreaming, but my surroundings proposed no other explanation. I stood alone, Sakura dressed as Sasuke once again, on a flat, featureless plane that stretched off into a horizon meeting with the blackened sky. The ground under my feet was eerily squishy, reminiscent of walking on a floor of solid, living flesh. I was lost, I was alone, and fighting to keep the frozen terror of a nightmare from overtaking me._

_"What is this…?"_

_I flinched, and turned back and forth, trying to find the source of that serpentine whisper in the featureless void that surrounded me._

_"What trick of yours could this be, Sasuke-kun? Taking another form will not save you…"_

_I bit back a terrified gasp as the floor in front of me rose up, forming a human-sized lump of breathing matter. The face of the snake-Sannin appeared from within it, those yellow eyes now examining me with interested confusion._

_"…I see…" he said, and I gulped. "You are not Sasuke-kun at all, are you? How convenient. I expected difficulty, but there will be none now. Though I am curious as to how this all happened…"_

_"I…I…" I could barely speak as my feet took tentative steps backward. This only lasted so long, as my feet suddenly stuck fiercely and refused to be moved. I wish I hadn't looked down, as the sight of the fleshy floor engulfing my sandal-clad feet prompted a terrified shriek on my part as I attempted to free myself._

_"No!" I cried, fighting the living tissue that crawled up my legs and waist. "Stop! Ahhh!"_

_"So weak…" I heard that voice mutter over my own screams. "Sasuke-kun could overcome it easily…"_

_I couldn't stop it. I knew this was my assimilation, my last chance of escaping gone. I felt hot tears pour from my eyes as I choked on another scream, losing my arms and shoulders to the cocoon of flesh that slowly encased me. But now I knew it was him, this whole place was his mind, and I only a helpless trespasser, doomed to be absorbed._

_"No!" I almost pleaded, my field of vision shrinking as rubbery tendrils snaked over my head and face. "Sasuke-kun…I'm sor-!"_

_A glob of the wall around me clamped over my mouth, cutting off my last words. The case around my head continued to grow, until only a tiny chink of light remained for me to see out of._

_Through that same gap, I saw those same dead, yellow eyes with crinkled edges, as if grinning in amusement._

_"Thank you for this," his voice hissed smugly, and withdrew from my line of sight._

_A final tendril of my cocoon snaked across the chink, and darkness enveloped me.

* * *

_

A blast from outside on behalf of the rescuers, and the door crumbled right off its feeble hinges. The circular room echoed noisily as the four entered, confident of the absence of more traps. All of them halted then, taking in the interrupted scene before them.

Sasuke stood, seething with silent anger as he glared at that Karin girl. He should've known better than to recruit her, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time. Now he only wished her dead, seeing her gaping at them while kneeling beside a pedestal-shaped stone table, on which rested…

His mind did a double-take to see black hair and pale skin, before remembering this was _himself_ they were rescuing, not pink-haired and green-eyed Sakura. Though, even if he wasn't used to looking at his own body as another person, even he could tell the shivering, sweating, and ashen tone of his body's skin wasn't normal.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto impulsively cried out, starting to break into an immediate sprint before Sasuke's hand grabbed his arm.

"Naruto!" he cautioned, motioning to the floor beside the stone slab. Naruto's eyes followed his, and flinched as Suigetsu breathed, "Whoa…"

For the second time, Sasuke looked upon the motionless body of the Sannin. The first time, it had been by his own hand, and the severed pieces of a giant white snake had lain, bleeding on the floor. Now, there was no blood. Only the sinking realization that the girl in his place was experiencing the same nightmarish mind-games scenario he'd gone through all that time ago.

As if triggered by his thoughts, his rightful form stirred from its resting place on the stone table. Breaths were held as the group watched the body of Uchiha Sasuke twitch, then slowly sit up as the blanket covering it fell in a heap at its waist. As it was facing away from them, they could only watch from behind as it lifted its pale hands, seeming to examine them before a soft, hoarse voice mumbled, "…Karin…?"

"Y-yes?" the girl answered, her fidgeting giving away that she wasn't sure which name to use.

Sasuke froze, petrified as his own body turned to face him. Its blank expression was familiar, as he'd practiced it many times in the mirror as a child. But now, his gaze remained fixed to the eyes that once belonged to him. They weren't black…but they weren't the snakelike gold he'd dreaded either. His face's eyes stared vacantly ahead, seeming as if glazed over so that the onyx turned to slate-gray.

"No need to panic…" his own voice whispered calmly. "I'll take care of the…intruders."

"NO!" Naruto screamed impulsively as those paled eyes began to shift. "Sakura-chan!"

All they could see were gray eyes changing to blood-red, before the face of Uchiha Sasuke grinned eerily, and Sasuke heard as if only inches from his ear, "Thank you for my new vessel…_Sasuke-kun._"

Those eyes seemed to swallow everything, until Sasuke could only see red, streaked with black. From his own horrific experiences, he knew this place well as an endless nightmare landscape slowly came into focus around him. His own special illusion was being used against him.

This was the world of Tsukuyomi.

* * *

-

Oh deary dear. :D Notice the totally canon Sasu-kun's-body-remaining-shirtless-throughout-mind-fight-with-Oro. Don't tell me you bishy-lovers didn't enjoy that scene in the manga :3

Anyways! Sorry for the long wait between updates, as I had conventions to attend and other things besides...AND! I'm redoing Sea Story, so those of you who read the first one, go read the newie nao!  
And if you reviewed it, that'd make me euphorically happy...


	11. Taking Back Sasuke

**The Great Exchange**

**Chapter Eleven: Taking Back Sasuke**

* * *

Sasuke fell to his hands knees, his heart pounding in his ears as he forced panting breaths, fighting against the stomach-churning urge to vomit. The others' similar noises echoed in his ears, but it meant they were still conscious. However, this thought was crushed the moment he heard two heavy _thumps_, and managed to turn his head enough to see Suigetsu and Juugo lying unmoving.

_H-how…how did he do that?! Only Uchiha can use the Tsukuyomi…_

The answer came soon enough. There'd be no way the twisted Sannin would have sat around for years without carefully studying every little detail of his prey. He probably created ways of his own invention to unlock bloodline abilities, planning to use them once he made the body his own. And now he inhabited one of the most deadly biological weapons in possibly the entire continent.

"Karin," he heard his own voice say in an almost oblivious tone. "I am cold."

"Yes, Orochimaru-sama!"

A patter of footsteps, and Sasuke regained enough strength to focus his dizzy eyes upwards as Karin carefully placed a white robe around _his_ body's shoulders. Then the nausea overcame him again, and he swallowed feverishly, tasting the sour sting of stomach acid in the back of his throat.

"S-…Sakura-…chan…"

His eyes fluttered open in surprise to hear Naruto's voice. Naruto was conscious! Risking another pounding headache, he forced his head up enough to see it was indeed Naruto, also down on his hands and knees, but still conscious.

"Strange," Sasuke heard his own voice muse, "I only expected one to remain."

"N-no!" Sasuke forced out as he watched his body step purposefully over to the defenseless Naruto. "Oroch-!"

A white-hot spasm of pain tore deep into his temple, turning any remaining words into a groan of pain as he clutched at his forehead. But even through the rush of warm blood to the ailing area, he caught the sickening _thunk_ of a foot connecting with a ribcage, and Naruto's pained whimper as he slid across the floor, his hands at his solar plexus.

"So weak," Sasuke's voice stated in a disappointed tone. "This is the fox that destroyed Konoha? And this," Sasuke flinched as he felt his own eyes turn to him, "is the last great Uchiha?"

"Sh-shut up!" Sasuke forced out, his body trembling as he forced himself into a kneeling position, battling the dizzy headaches that followed. "Y-You're nothing b-but a com-mon th-thief!"

His trained senses picked up movement a mere nanosecond before he felt the blow to his abdomen. Had he still possessed his old body he might've tensed to take the hit, but Sakura's soft stomach wasn't as protected. He lay, gasping in acute, throbbing pain for an aching moment before a strong, calloused hand closed around his throat and lifted him, unhindered by the weakened fingers that clawed feebly at what had once been his own forearm.

"Look at me, Uchiha," his own voice said softly, with an obvious smugness. "This is what you claimed you had nothing more to learn from. This is what you tried to destroy, seeing only a liability."

His clenched eyes opened, and once again had a mental flinch to see his own pale, smooth face staring back at him as its grip on his throat remained unwavering.

"I told you your body would be mine," the voice continued, Sasuke's mind refusing to believe these words were coming from his own lips. "And it is everything I could ever hope to be. Thank you for taking such good _care_ of it."

His last word was enunciated with a tighter clench on Sasuke's throat, before dropping him heedlessly to the floor and looming over his pain-wracked form.

"Sakura…"

_No, Naruto…_ he could only say in his mind, _She can't hear us now…Stop bringing attention to yourself and he might spare you…_

"You just won't stop, will you?" the Sannin muttered as if in mere annoyance. "Karin, put him to sleep for me."

"Y-yes, my lord!" Her voice betrayed her confusion at his referral to "Sakura" as an Uchiha. Sasuke's stomach churned to hear Naruto groan once, then go silent.

"There's little point in keeping you alive now," the Sannin's tone now turned to him. "I won't make the same mistake and let you live longer than I must. But I'll give you the privilege of last words."

"…Screw…you…" Sasuke choked out.

"Very well." A metallic _clack_ signified an execution weapon had been produced. "Goodbye, Sasuke-kun."

* * *

_Blackness was everywhere. I couldn't see, I couldn't feel, I couldn't smell. But I could hear. I heard short, gasping breaths, and a single, rhythmic pounding of a human heart. _

_Then I heard voices accompanying the breathing and beating. Men and women's voices, both familiar and stranger to me. All were sad, upset, miserable, and in pain._

_"Why?"_

_"Can't you stop it?"_

_"Help me…"_

_The voices grew louder, rising until they screamed their words at me, begging me to stop whatever was hurting them. I wanted to scream back, but I had no voice. I had no lips to scream with. I had nothing, even as the voices faded to whimpers and the pounding heartbeat grew slower, then faster, then slower. Ever-fluctuating. _

_The panting breaths went on, in tandem with the heartbeat. Together they sounded in, out, in, out…the sounds of life. A breath and a pulse._

_I…wanted them. And so, they became mine. Air filled the empty spaces where my lungs should have been, and a cadenced beating started up in my nonexistent chest._

_It wasn't enough. I wanted life in all its completeness. I wanted living, breathing flesh. I wanted seeing eyes and feeling hands and running feet. I wanted that which was but an elusive slip of memory, dangling before me if I had the hands to reach out and grab it._

_I wanted to be alive again._

_

* * *

_

Sasuke cracked one eye open, having tensed in expectation of the finishing blow. What he saw startled him: his possessed body kneeling over him, its silver-handled knife still clutched in a white-knuckled fist, its face still drawn in a murderous grimace.

But…he wasn't moving. The only motions were a soft trembling that wracked his frozen form as beads of sweat formed in his forehead, his pupils contracting as if in pain.

"Wh-…what?" the Sannin spat, glaring furiously at "his" disobedient body. "Karin! I can't…Finish them for me!"

"Y-yes, Orochimaru-sama!" the girl replied, producing some bladed weapons of her own and turning to stride over to Naruto's unconscious body when-

"GRAAAAAAH!"

The scream in his own voice was blood-curdling enough without Sasuke having to witness his face contorting in exquisitely detailed agony. The knife fell, clattering to the floor beside him as the Sannin clutched at his head, his breaths reduced to panting.

"Why?" he choked, clawing at his forehead, "Why are you…still…_there?_"

* * *

_I was in darkness again, but not the void of nothingness. This darkness was musty, smelling of rancid meat, and with the texture of damp clay. This darkness tasted of dust and dried bones. This was the darkness a living person would experience._

_My hands could move. I felt them, flexing my fingers, before they curled into fists. Power, restrained as it was, coursed through my arms, causing my continual heartbeat to quicken its pace. The damp clay-like darkness tightened its grip on me, but I tensed, and lashed out. My entire body went on the offensive. I squirmed, I kicked, I thrashed, all the while with liquid clay smelling of sour meat molding to my writhing body._

_The ground beneath me shook, and the clay stilled for a split second. With a sudden withdraw of my arms, I grabbed the smelly, damp darkness in front of me, and wrenched._

_The darkness tore like a paper screen._

* * *

"GYAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Even in his weakened state, Sasuke managed to force his aching body to sluggishly push itself away from the screaming Sannin, all the while keeping the mortified Karin in his sights. Whatever was happening to him, Orochimaru wasn't faking his anguish. Veins stood out against his flushed, sweaty skin, and his hands had taken to clawing at himself as if trying to tear something out from inside him.

"Get back!" he shouted at thin air, "You wretched scum!"

Another tortured scream preceded him falling to his hands and knees and dry-heaving, shuddering and changing from flushed to ashen-pale.

"No," he whispered, eyes wide and glazed, "No, no, it's my body now, mine, all mine, get back in your cell, go away, go…"

"It's Sakura…isn't it?" Sasuke forced a hoarse mutter, "She's…fighting back…."

"Shut up, you stupid boy!" his own body growled at him, "She's dead!"

"…No," Sasuke continued, managing through twinges of jabbing pain to push himself up enough to make eye contact. "She's…escaped your hold…She's killing you."

He coughed violently then, ignoring the flecks of blood that dripped from his mouth. The Sannin glared at him for a moment more before his eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a slow, but nonetheless unsettling, groan. Sasuke had heard that sound once before, but the man who'd made it had succumbed to a gaping wound and shrugged off his mortal coil within seconds after…

For a moment that seemed to stretch into hours, the body of Uchiha Sasuke was still. No more noises came from it, no more muscle spasms wracked it. It didn't breathe. It didn't move.

For that single moment, it was as lifeless as a corpse.

But then, with a gasp for air as if holding its breath, its eyelids fluttered, and its irises were visible again, however dulled they may be. All conscious eyes were on it as it trembled, slumped to the ground, but then forced one knee up into an exhausted kneel as its gaze met Sasuke's.

It looked up…and smiled sadly at him. Without even thinking, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards, and he gave his trademark smirk to his own face.

"Long time no see…" his own voice breathed, "Sasuke-kun."

* * *

"Wh-wha-?!" Karin's voice shattered the bubble of silence. "What's going on?! Orochimaru-sama?! What's happening?"

I glanced over my shoulder and sent her a withering, icy glare. "He's dead," I spat at her, "And you're going to join him once I get the feeling back in my legs, you filthy traitor."

I turned back to face Sasuke-kun, and couldn't help the tears that formed in the corners of my eyes. He looked ridiculous in my body, covered in blood and dirt and who knows what else. The smirk on my own lips looked laughable.

_But…_

Before I even knew what I was doing, my trembling hands had reached under him and lifted him, surprising me with how light he was. Holding myself was a strange experience, to say the least, but somehow…it felt natural in Sasuke-kun's body. His muscular arms seemed perfectly adapted to gently pick up a small, female form and hold it carefully upright like a breakable doll.

"Sa-…-kura…" my own voice whispered, accompanied by a wince as my hand brushed one of his wounds when letting go of him, "I…can't heal…"

"Don't worry," I told him, "We're getting out of he-"

My words were cut off as something in my stomach churned, wriggling inside me, and shot upwards. I barely had time to turn my head to the side before I was on all fours again, my stomach heaving as what little I'd eaten that day was emptied onto the bloodstained floor in front of me.

"S-Sakura?!" Sasuke exclaimed weakly, placing a hand on my shivering shoulder. I couldn't answer him, another surge of nausea resulting in another sickening deposit of my last meal onto the cold tile floor. "Sak-kura, what's happening?"

Through my stomach-turning queasiness, I knew what was causing it. The hyperdrug they'd injected me with was reacting, possibly to the death of the only one who could control it. Now it was either being expelled from my system…or it was killing me, slowly and painfully. Counting all evidence from before, it could only be the latter.

"K-Karin…" I managed to pant, "Anti-…-dote…where…?"

"There is none!" she shrieked at me, obviously not reacting well to her plans falling apart at the drop of a hat. "You'll die!"

I felt Sasuke stiffen beside me. "You don't…want that…" I told her, trying to play off her weakened mental state. "Give me…and…you'll only get…jail time…"

"Sakura…" I heard Sasuke whispered in disbelief. "You can't be…What have they done?"

"There's no cure!" Karin repeated, though I could see her shaking at the thought of her precious Sasuke-kun actually dying. "None!"

"He showed you…" I said through a sudden onslaught of dizziness, "a secret…right? He said…backup plan…just in…case…"

Just as with the tranquilizers they'd used on me, I felt my diminished strength vanishing bit by bit, like water escaping from a puncture in a jug. My vision had gone blurry too, reducing Sasuke-kun to a blob of pink and red and my own arms to pale lumps in front of my eyes.

"Karin!" I caught the minute traces of pleading in Sasuke-kun's roughened voice, "Go get it!"

Though my vision was shot, relief washed over me to hear a clatter of footsteps trail off to parts unknown. This time it was my turn to collapse in a powerless daze, but to my surprise, I felt small, feminine hands tugging my head into a lap I'd never thought I'd ever be laying my head in. My eyes managed to wearily open, and my blurred gaze filled with pink.

"You're a foolish girl," my own voice muttered softly. "A foolish…stubborn girl…who gets herself into trouble…and nobody can help…"

He was beating himself up…for not being able to help _me_.

"Thank…you…Sas…" I couldn't finish. I felt water dripping down onto my face, drop by drop. Warm, salty droplets, falling from the mass of rosy blur above me.

Tears.

"You stupid, idiotic, annoying, foolish…brave girl," he said, and I could hear the rustle of his hand wiping at his eyes. "You shouldn't…do these things…"

I smiled weakly. "I made…you a promise…" I whispered. "I'd bring you…back safe…And…I'm sorry…"

He was silent, but I felt a soft, little hand gently stroke my cheek. After the creepy, possessive fingers of Karin and Orochimaru, this little gesture was everything I imagined it to be.

All I felt then was an ice-cold chill, stemming from somewhere inside me and spreading, feeling as if encasing my bones in frost. My leaden limbs could do little to fight it as it spread, the icy chill slowing the heartbeat that had saved me in the first place until it barely moved, my eyes closing against my will.

"Sakura…" Sasuke's voice called, "Sakura? Sakura!"

Even as the ice conquered me, I felt his hands shaking me by the shoulders, his voice seeming to grow fainter and fainter even as he shouted more and more loudly…

My chest tightened…and my heart slowly…ground…to a stop.

* * *

Wow, how many months was that? Sorry to say, but school has to take priority over fanfictioning. I really wish it didn't though. Le sigh. School sucks.

To placate you all, I'll do a little dance. -dons SOS Brigade uniform-

"It's just a jump to the left."

"_And then a step to the right."_

"With your hands on your hips."

_"You bring your knees in tight!"_

_"But it's the pelvic thrust_

_that really drives you insa-a-a-ane!"_

**"Let's**

**do**

**the Time Warp**

**agaaaaaaaaaaaain~"**

(Choice of song entirely unrelated to future events in this fanfiction. I'm not THAT lame :P)


End file.
